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Uruguayan President Calling FIFA Fascist Sons of Bitches Probably Isn't Helping

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Uruguay's president has waded into Luis Suarez' latest controversy by calling FIFA fascists and sons of bitches. This seems unlikely to help with the appeal.

Clive Rose

Luis Suarez bit a dude for a third time in his career and there was conclusive video proof that he had in fact bit a dude for the third time in his career. He and the Uruguay FA then, in the face of said conclusive video proof, decided to play dumb, basing Suarez' defence around the idea that Suarez hadn't actually done the thing that FIFA and the world had seen him do from multiple angles in super slow-mo.

This attempt at lying bluster in the face of incontrovertible evidence didn't go over especially well with FIFA and they responded by extending a planned six-match ban to nine and tacking on a four-month blanket ban that means Suarez can't even enter a stadium until late October. And as if Suarez and the Uruguayan FA hadn't already done enough, now the country's president has gotten in on the act.

"Those at FIFA are a gang of old sons of bitches," Jose Mujica told a reporter when asked about the lengthy punishment before covering his mouth in mock shock at what he'd just said. Any question as to whether or not it was in fact feigned shock was quickly settled when the reporter asked if the quote could be printed and he said yes, adding: "They could have sanctioned him, but not with fascist sanctions."

So that's probably not going to help the appeal. Neither is Uruguay manager Oscar Tabarez' decision to resign from FIFA's technical committee in protest. While it's true Suarez has been made something of a scapegoat for FIFA, a handy distraction from their failure to address fans in blackface, homophobic chants, or the myriad issues surrounding the corruption and human rights disgrace that is Qatar 2022, he isn't the victim here.

By all reports, his initial punishment wasn't even expected to be all that severe. Most, in fact, would have seen FIFA's originally planned six-match ban as exceptionally generous given Suarez' track record. Then the Uruguayan FA and Suarez' advisors acted like fans rather than highly paid professionals and mocked FIFA's disciplinary hearing, trying to lie and bluster their way out of trouble.

All of which would be far more amusing if Suarez was some other club's exceptionally talented headache. About the only silver lining from a Liverpool point of view in all of this is that FIFA's bylaws state that when an appeal is made, the result of said appeal cannot be more severe than the initial punishment, otherwise there's no telling how long Suarez' ban could end up by the time everything was said and done.