Arsenal Bid for Luis Suarez to Increase

Whether or not Luis Suarez ends up leaving this summer--which he probably will, or maybe he won't, but stay tuned to your favorite Uruguayan radio station to get thinly-veiled updates--we can all probably agree that a move to one of Liverpool's direct rivals in the Premier League table would not be a great thing. Last season those rivals were the likes of Everton and Swansea and West Brom, and headed into the new season we can hopefully throw Spurs and Arsenal into that mix, along with United because United. This means the answer to reports suggesting Arsenal will improve their offer for the Uruguayan needs to be no. Never.

My preference is that if he does leave it's somewhere exotic, like Kyrgyzstan or Estonia. Failing that, a move to any other country would do, as I'm still too jittery about the prospect of Liverpool facing him twice per season and having to cope with Fernando Torres: Redux every time they're on the same pitch again. Watching matches is unpleasant enough already, and the last thing I need is another reason to want to crawl inside of my own body and hibernate. But the jokes about him biting someone in the Liverpool squad would be funny because everyone's so original and cutting edge!

There's been discussion that a move to the big money clubs--Chelsea and Manchester City, namely--in England would be more tolerable, mostly because of the fact that the compensation would be silly and they're out of reach in the table. This is probably true and reasonable and other reality-based things, but I'm still wary. If the current iteration of Liverpool want to improve and compete for honors domestically, just like all good little football clubs that are having trouble living up to the achievements of their older siblings, sending their best player to a team they'll be challenging for those honors on a regular basis seems a bit stupid.

Money clouds the picture, of course, but it would be nice if this all resolves itself quickly and nicely, and that at the end of the annoying little tale Liverpool wave goodbye, buckets of gold coins at their feet, and Luis Suarez breaks the FC Dordoi Bishkek transfer record. I hear they're in need of a new striker.