Rumor Mongering: Liverpool Plot £74M Move For Napoli Midfielder

If this global pandemic thing has taught us anything, it’s that the transfer rumor mill is The Terminator of world football. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear! And it absolutely will not stop, ever.

Today’s rumor is courtesy of Diario Madridista. The Spanish publication, who really should have other things to worry about, claim that Liverpool are finally going to find their Philippe Coutinho replacement! At a rumored £74 million, Napoli midfielder Fabian Ruiz will cost roughly half (1/2) a Coutinho, or one (1) Virgil van Dijk, or two (2) Fabinhos.

The report also links Ruiz—whose Coutinho-ness is debateable—to other clubs looking for “a Coutinho Replacement,” despite having an actual Coutinho in or available to their squads, Bayern Munich and Barcelona.

Now, it has long been my stance that Liverpool do not, nor have ever needed, “a Coutinho Replacement.” It’s worth repeating since no one in the punditry class has noticed, but Liverpool have done pretty, pretty, pretty good since the Brazilian left for Catalonia. Two Champions League finals, European and World Champions, 44 matches unbeaten, and soon to be English champions for the first time in 30 years.

It turns out what they needed was £142 million for Coutinho to reinvest into our squad so we could reclaim our perch as European Royalty and England’s top side. To that end, we have our Coutinho replacement. Thanks.

But maybe we are in for Ruiz. He’s impressed at Napoli, and at 23-years-old, he’ll be entering his prime soon. We’ll see if Michael Edwards thinks he’s worth half a Phil.