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The Liverpool Offside's Transfer Round-Up: Jamie Vardy is Keyser Söze Edition

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You know the drill.

As usual, James Milner was keen to advise another England player on shrewd investments after signing a new contract.
As usual, James Milner was keen to advise another England player on shrewd investments after signing a new contract.
Dan Mullan/Getty Images

I’m absolutely delighted to be fighting to achieve something special with this Club, as part of this squad. I've never known a spirit like it - from the owners, to the manager and his staff, the players and the fans. I want to be part of it for a long time. "Leicester City have shown nothing but total faith in me since the day I arrived here three and a half years ago and it's impossible to measure how much that belief has helped me to improve. I’ll forever be grateful for the investment the Club has made in me and I’ll spend every day working to repay it.

Jamie Vardy did achieve something special with Leicester City, and once again, he's having another bloody party! Arsenal's interest in the Foxes striker has resulted in a second pay rise in the space of four months. This is wonderful. One can really sink one's teeth with abandon into this. Delicious! On 6 February 2016, Vardy signed a three-year contract extension to boost his salary to a reported £70,000 per week. Then Arsène Wenger comes along with ideas of raiding the Foxes for a fox in the box of his own to right the wrongs of Francis Jeffers. The result? A four-year contract extension worth £100,000 a week.

A 29-year-old coming off the best season of his career not only gets an extra year of security but an extra £1.5 million for each year of his new contract. Respect. To be fair to Vardy, the chance to play for Arsenal with a reported £125,000 per week on offer must have been tempting. The chance to defend the Premier League title after the biggest shock in a generation with an extra year and more money won through. Or was there never a decision to make, meaning both the Gunners and the Foxes got played? Maybe Wenger will steal N'Golo Kanté instead to make up for losing out.

Right, let's get stuck in instead of faffing around too much about Jamie Vardy getting more money. Yes, life is unfair.

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Things Actually Happening.

We focused on how Juventus and Atlético Madrid were trying to keep up with Europe's elite last time out, and now there's some good news for Diego Simeone as Antoine Griezmann has signed a new contract until 2021. Shiny! Seriously, though, it's vital to keep stars once they've reached a lovely groove in their mid-twenties to continue to compete at the top table. €16 million seems to have done the trick to snare Juanfran's successor in Šime Vrsaljko. The right back has been a solid Football Manager option for many years, and with this move, the 24-year-old has a chance to prove he can step up.

Tottenham Hotspur have moved past the agreeing a fee and arranging a medical stage to sign Victor Wanyama for £11 million. The 24-year-old Kenyan international signed up for five years. Good deal. Remember Harry Redknapp's absolute favourite? Niko Kranjčar has joined Rangers FC on a two-year-deal to become Mark Warburton's sixth summer signing. Really lovely player but runs out of steam worse than Joe Cole in a Liverpool shirt. Joey Barton left Burnley and a potential Premier League swansong for a bit of SPL action, too. Has Brendan Rodgers signed Andre Wisdom yet?

Morata to the Premier League?

Everybody wants Álvaro Morata. So they should! Real Madrid decided to activate the clause to bring him back from Juventus for €30 million. Now Champions League holders will sell him for a whole lot more. Guess who wants to come to dinner? Chelsea are set for Morata talks. Manchester United are set for Morata talks. Arsenal may or may not be set for talks, but let's just throw them in there to complete the set.

Zaza to make room for Benteke?

Juventus have been armed with money from the Morata deal and are going to get a lot more with the potential sale of Simone Zaza. Wolfsburg have reportedly made a bid of £20 million for the Italy international. West Ham United are also sniffing around, but more on the Hammers later as they may have made an absolutely gargantuan thunderbastard of a bid for a different striker. Maybe Christian Benteke will keep Paulo Dybala and Mario Mandžukić company in the event of Zaza becoming the latest striking departure from the Old Lady.

Davids paying Goliath money?

West Ham might not be moving for Zaza just yet as the Davids might be focused on throwing way too much money in the direction of a devilishly grinning Jean-Michel Aulas.

All you need to understand is £40 million. €52 million!!! In a world where Troy Deeney is £30 million (or a little less now), it's no surprise that canny operators like Aulas will be looking for big bloated bucks from Premier League clubs. Maybe it's just a rumour that Noel should be calling bullshit, or maybe it's a sign of the times.

Pogba and the First World Problem.

The mooted fee for Lacazette isn't as much as the €120 million Juventus want from Real Madrid for Paul Pogba. Will good ol' Florentino and Zizou sanction such a deal? Plus, Mino Raiola is involved so pay €12/13 million a season. Please and thank you. Real Madrid countered with €8/9 million per season. Juventus want to up Pogba's wages from €5 million to €7 million until 2021. What to do? First world problems to the max. Maybe all the money Real want to pay Gareth Bale might put a dent in what can be set aside for Pogba.

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Oh, did you hear the latest from our local rivals? Everton want to buy the real Wesley Sneijder for just under £6 million. Good times, eh? Also,José Mourinho really wants to be Mino Railo's best friend by picking up Henrikh Mkhitaryan for £30.6 million now that Borussia Dortmund will play ball. If you can read German, toll! If not, translate it. WILL MANCHESTER UNITED REALLY SIGN PAUL POGBA????? Mourinho wants him badly and Manchester United desperately want to please Mourinho. Penultimate bit before you jump to the comments and prove your ITK credentials, Manchester City are going to sign Celta Vigo forward Nolito. Buying players to suit a system and manager is pure madness, no?

Finally, BREXIT might affect Premier League clubs in the summer transfer window. Welcome to thunderdome?