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Rumour Mocking: Fernando Torres Returning To Anfield!

Yes, this is actually a rumor people are trying to spread.

Maurizio Lagana/Getty Images

Reports are circulating that Fernando Torres wants out of AC Milan, and that the Italian club are getting fairly sick of him being terrible and moody. But mostly the terrible bit.

That's lead to rampant speculation about where Torres will end up next. Will he go back to Chelsea? Elsewhere in Italy? Somewhere in Spain, perhaps? Or maybe...

... back to Liverpool?

Yes, that's right, there's speculation that this January will see a return of Fernando Torres to Liverpool. I wish I could say I was making this up, but I'm not. The ridiculousness is real.

Let's go over this one line by line. Since leaving Liverpool for a whopping £50 million, Torres has spent three and a half injury-wracked and woefully ineffective years at Chelsea, and this season so far on loan with AC Milan. He scored just 20 goals in 110 league matches for Chelsea, and has managed only one in ten matches with Milan so far this season.

He's suffered from a variety of muscle strains and joint sprains since leaving Liverpool, and has been a pale shadow of the once-great striker that scored so many goals in front of the Kop. AC Milan gambled on him this summer, hoping they could find a way to turn things around for him and get better form than Chelsea managed, but instead, he's been worse. Now his two-year loan hangs around Milan's neck like an anchor, and with their financial situation degrading and hope of landing in next season's Champions League fading rapidly, they can't afford to keep him around if they want to improve their team.

So since Liverpool have their own striker issues, that means they'd want to bring him back for a reunion tour, hope to help him find that vital spark to success again. Of course. Naturally. Except for his sky-high wages, his utter lack of any form, displaying far less quality than the much-derided Mario Balotelli, lack of fit for Brendan Rodgers' tactics, oh, and the sheer acrimony of his departure from Anfield four years ago.

But other than that.

So no, this deal isn't happening. The papers will play it up, big and loud and over and over again, because it's a story that'll draw eyeballs and clicks. But as crazy as Liverpool has been at times with transfers over the last couple of years, they'd have to be far, far, FAR crazier than they've ever been to even consider bringing Torres back in to the fold. For Liverpool fans, this rumor is worth only of mockery.

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