Investigating Alexander-Arnold’s International Snub: A Crime of Fashion?

Late this week, Trent Alexander-Arnold was left off the England squad by Gareth Southgate, a man who believes a waistcoat is a suitable replacement for a personality, after the latter claimed Trent just “hadn’t played at the [international] level recently”. While we rejoiced in this “snub” in the hopes that it might mean a much-needed reprieve from injury for yet another player, it’s worth digging deeper into what else may be at play under the surface.

Here’s what else happened earlier this week: Trent Alexander-Arnold was featured on the front of Style magazine (a magazine about fashion) in a three-piece outfit that tore the internet apart.

There’s a lot going on here, so let’s walk through it piece by piece. Your eyes are probably immediately drawn to one of two things: a frankly egregious number of buttons, or the fact that every item of clothing on Trent is at least four sizes too big for him. Once that has passed through your mind, you’ll probably entertain a charitable thought: the colour of everything is lovely, and his shoes may be quite nice (if we could see them). Everyone will likely return to the thing that offended them the most immediately after, though: Why is everything so big?! Who dressed him?!?

At this point, it’s surely impossible to rule out the fact that whoever dressed Alexander-Arnold may be in the pay of someone determined to bring down Liverpool’s morale by deliberately offending Southgate’s (minimally existent) sartorial sense. Is Southgate likely to make decisions about the England squad based on a photoshoot that probably happened months ago? Perhaps not, but since no journalist with access to the coach has bothered asking him that question, we absolutely cannot dismiss the possibility.

The joke, of course, is on them because those trousers are probably going to be in fashion by this summer (sorry everyone who hates them, I don’t make the rules); the entire team probably bonded over making fun of Trent’s incredibly sheepish smile; and most importantly, the Reds will hopefully be fully rested before they return to action against Arsenal on April 4.