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Southampton 1, Liverpool 0 - Match Recap: Andre Marriner Wins It For The Saints

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Football is pain. Never forget that.

Southampton v Liverpool - Premier League Photo by Adam Davy - Pool/Getty Images

Southampton 1 - 0 Liverpool

Saints: Ings 2’

Pre-Match

Jurgen Klopp took one look at our squad, shrugged, and said “Let’s send out all the midfielders.” Captain Jordan Henderson once again fills in at centerback, pairing fellow midfielder Fabinho. Meanwhile, Thiago and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain make exciting returns to the starting line-up. What the Reds might lack in actual defenders, they more than make up for with passing quality throughout the side.

Hopefully the lads up top can actually finish their chances today, yeah?

First Half

Hey Thiago, don’t give up free kick in a dangerous spot and get booked the opening minute? And then let Danny Ings score? Sigh. 1-0.

After 10 minutes of being generally disjointed and shit, Liverpool remembered that they’re well better than these, and started passing the ball around like it. Will it matter? We will see. Though, it would help if a single ball fell for us inside the box. Just like, once.

Not even 15 minutes gone and Andy Robertson goes into the book. Two Liverpool players on yellows in the opening 15. And there was no VAR review from an apparent handball in the box. Another bang-up job from the Premier League refs.

Did I say we remembered we were better? Well, that was a mistake. We’ve been—and I believe this is the technical term—real dogshit this half. Southampton haven’t really threatened, but absolutely nothing is coming off for Liverpool. Another one of those where halftime cannot come soon enough. Ooof.

Two minutes into stoppage time, and Liverpool create their best chance so far, if you can call a contested Mo Salah header from about 10 yards a good chance. Better, but we have yet to put a shot on target.

Halftime. Thank fuck. The Reds should try not being so bad in the second half.

Second Half

Liverpool start the second half with as much attacking intent as we saw in the entire first half. So that’s good. Robbo nearly picks out Salah at the back post, and for the briefest of moments I thought today might not be shit. But alas, shit rules the day.

WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. VAR?! Gini Wijnaldum fires a shot, that 100% hits the outstretched hand of a defender. VAR apparently decided that was completely kosher? Liverpool have had a lot of VAR and ref related grievances this season, but that might be the worst. And that’s saying something.

Xherdan Shaqiri comes on for Ox. I would like to report that Ox has had a decent return to action, but he’s been arguably the most off the pace player on a team of off the pace players.

Mané appears to get hacked down in the box. Again no call. A Liverpool player will literally have to be murdered in order to win a penalty. At least Liverpool are giving the ref something to not think about this half.

Trent gets the hook for James Milner. Just the offensive change we wanted to see.

Final Thoughts

What can I even say? It’s not enough, VAR fuckery notwithstanding.