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The Comprehensive Guide to Liverpool Football Players as Food

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If Liverpool players were foods these are the foods they would be.

Arepas Pues, which combines Colombia, Cuban and Venezuelan dishes, for the $20 Diner column in Washington, DC. Photo by Bill O’Leary/The Washington Post via Getty Images

Liverpool last played football a little more than a week ago now but it feels as though it might as well have been a decade since we’ve seen Jürgen Klopp’s Big Red Crushing Machine running around a pitch. And as though it might be a few more decades before we see them again.

It also feels as though we might be starting to run out of things to talk about given we’re meant to be a place that covers Liverpool Football Club. But we have also, now and then over the years, been something of a food blog. Which led us to an intriguing—and dare we say necessary—question. Namely, if Liverpool football players were foods, which foods would then be?

Without further ado, then, we bring you our comprehensive guide. To Liverpool football players as food.

Fabinho / Rack of Lamb

They’re very tall. I mean, seriously, just look at how tall they are.

Roberto Firmino / Sashimi

Stunning technique but sometimes you get done eating and are still hungry for goals.

Andy Robertson / Lasagne

It can be easy to overlook just how much work goes into making it.

James Milner / Bandeja Paisa

Hearty. Maybe a little bland. Considers salt an adventurous spice but always gets the job done.

Jordan Henderson / Rice

Easy to overlook until it’s gone and you realise it’s what tied everything together.

Alisson Becker / Churrasco

That’s a lot of beef.

Gini Wijnaldum / Hot Pot

Maximum hotness.

Virgil van Dijk / Munchie Box

Overwhelming. Intimidating. Truly a colossus.

Mohamed Salah / Beef Wellington

All the best ingredients and once a staple of haute cuisine, now oddly overlooked.

Trent Alexander-Arnold / Scouse