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The Liverpool Offside Launch Global Boycott of Red Bull GmbH

Naby Keïta can be ours, and all we have to do to get him is to give up our energy drinks.

(FILE) Bill Shankly Photo by Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images

In a move that has drawn outrage and recrimination from fans and tabloids, The Liverpool Offside today launched a boycott intended to force the Bundesliga arm of caffeinated beverage brand Red Bull to sell Naby Keïta, the 22year-old Guinean midfielder who remains key to Jürgen Klopp’s summer plans.

The move, the result of a throwaway joke Tweet pondering the possibility of every Liverpool fan worldwide abandoning Red Bull beverages for one of their competitors until such time as RB Leipzig agreed to sell Keïta, quickly earned the ire of Twitter users who had failed to pick up on the Tweet’s complete unseriousness.

Especially outraged were Everton fans, who called Liverpool supporters generally—and The Liverpool Offside in particular—vile for considering a drinks boycott in order to get their way in the transfer market. The Liverpool Offside responded in jest, but their frequent use of “m8” and emoji failed to quell the angry hordes.

Arsenal fans, meanwhile, lamented the offhand comment that had grown into an apparently real boycott, seeing it as a sign of Liverpool’s decline, though they were probably just bitter Liverpool stole Arsene Wenger’s fourth place trophy. And United fans were, for their part, United fans and also they finished sixth.

Eventually, even national tabloid The Express picked up on the boycott, calling it “outrageous,” “radical,” and a “bizarre scheme.” Because they’re a totally reputable news organisation, their story on the boycott shared space with breathless reports on Holly Willoughby’s bra and Big Brother nipple slips.

Meanwhile, some unfortunate Liverpool fans with an affinity for Red Bull sadly found themselves caught up in the events of the day. A day that ends with The Liverpool Offside openly asking itself if perhaps it should have made its original, modest proposal in seriousness rather than jest given it’s apparently now leading a Red Bull boycott.

In part because it would apparently annoy a lot of people who can’t figure out when something that’s obviously a joke is a joke. And in part because energy drinks really do taste awful. Unless Monster or Carabao or someone wants to sponsor the boycott in which case energy drinks are awesome just not Red Bull.

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