The 5 Stages of Grief: Virgil van Dijk Edition

So this is where we’re at as a football club. As we wait for the FA to inevitably vote Liverpool off the island (proving Mamadou Sakho as less of a footballer, and more of a prophetic figure when Liverpool Country becomes an actual thing), we take stock of what could have been after a baffling degree of ineptitude cost us the chance at a big, big signing. Let’s examine for a minute the past, present, and future of this debacle:

1. Denial and Isolation: We really should have started panicking when Southampton reported our actions to the FA. But no, we chose to believe that it was just sour grapes. Some of us signed off social media, “It’ll be fine” we told ourselves. This isn’t the sort of thing that would torpedo the transfer or get us in deep legal trouble!
2. Anger: Out come the hot takes. Pick your target but some combination of FSG brass, Klopp, and the media are to blame! Rabble rabble rabble.
3. Bargaining: Maybe this will all blow over? Or you know, well, Virgil van Dijk was too expensive anyway! Yeah, that’s the ticket. We’re actually doing ourselves a favor here! 100 mil for a centerback? That’s mad!
4. Depression: Oh god. We’re really in deep shit. Chuck was right, everything IS the worst. This is such a huge embarrassment and we’ll never land a top target again. We’ll probably get relegated. And then have to sell off our silverware from the Glory Days to pay our players.
5. Acceptance: You crack open a bottle of scotch, resigned, as you watch Virgil van Dijk lead Manchester United out of the tunnel on opening day to take on Liverpool. Because of course that’s going to happen. You barely flinch when Mourinho’s band of mercenaries score the first, second, and third goals in what becomes an absolute defenestration. After the six goal (and countless solemn refills of the whisky glass), a thought of “what could have been” floats through your mind, but you push it aside. It’s not worth worrying about. This is our world now.