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Hairspray: Lovren Happiness

An unlikely homage to the unlikeliest of potential season saviors for Jürgen Klopp's Liverpool--Dejan Lovren.

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Dejan Lovren is in the midst of revolutionizing his Liverpool career. So much so that he may even be establishing himself as a foundational central defensive cog for the Jürgen Klopp era. Now, Liverpool fans need no reminder that this is an era aiming for the true awakening of the sleeping Red giant. An era that won't quit until it is re-claiming the league title that used to ship with a default engraving of Liverpool FC. This is no side order, here, we're talking the full five-piece meal.

We bring this up now because, as a great satirist once wrote, "To err is human -- to forgive, probably a good idea when one's errors have been publicized on the internet." Sage advice on paper, to be sure, but context matters, surely? The great, quenching draught for a decades-long thirst is being drawn on the horizon, and you are telling us it is to be served with a sliding, smiling Dejan? Can forgiveness actually be applied here?

This, dear reader, is the question we will attempt to answer as we take a journey back in time, through ourselves, to the beginning and back again of the fractured, rotten core that is our fanaticized antagonism towards Liverpool's Croatian #6. May Fowler have mercy on our souls.

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June 23, 2015 - "Two deals for one in Firmino is always better than one deal for none in Dejan."

That math is as close as we're going to get to checking out, but where exactly did we get off referencing the lack of a one, while in the very same sentence defining said one as Dejan?

January 10, 2015 - "COS DEJAN AMIRITE?"

No, not right. This was in reply to a post that was clearly about Lazar Markovic after that game winning performance against Sunderland. A snarky reply to a beautiful homage to the Lovren loving Serbian winger during an important moment in a difficult debut campaign for the lad. And we take the shine off that for what? Yet another pop shot. Have we no joy?

November 18, 2015 - "no i agree it takes very little to get behind dejan"

Well that's not so bad, I mean--WAIT A MINUTE!

July 22, 2015 - "dejan doesn't want yer pity. now look at this pass - mmmmmm, ya. dejan hits that pass."

Fair portrayal of Dejan's well-documented compulsion for speaking in the third person. And, really, this is just a paraphrasing of his personal ethos. But why use six m's where five could have sufficed? No one's used that tactic since the great peanut vs. brazil nut M&M debate of 1954, and look how that worked out for brazil nuts.

April 16, 2015 - "Dejan be reading The Ancient Secret of the Flower Life, and ancient texts. Things that can't be pre-dated."

Well no wonder he's had a quasi mystical turnaround in his timing on the tackle, and cleaned up his decision making to such a spotless proficiency even his yellow cards are now coming from a place of sound situational awareness!

February 11, 2015 - "Dajen Lorven is not a bad alter ego for the guy. i'm rollin with it."

3/10 alter ego for the guy. Would not roll again.

February 24, 2015 - "i mean, pure kudos for bringing yerself to tackle a lorven piece, mate."

It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife.

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So, what did we learn, readers? We don't know either. Although we guess we learned not to do it again. Like how Dejan has apparently learned not to do all of those atrocious acts on a field of green that he used to call football again. At least not when given a second chance under Klopp.

Klopp. There's the rub, isn't it? Putting central defenders in Klopp's system is a bit like getting into bed in a Motel 6 and turning the lights off. We all know its not a 5-star hotel, we all know there are roaches hiding in the cabinets, and strangers' skin cells molding on those pillows. But we'll be damned if we don't fall deep into the cozy, safe confines of REM sleep, anyway. Klopp is the way.

Does this count as an apology? Probably not. But then again, we haven't heard Dejan apologize for much, either, and that seems to have worked out alright for him in the end. Besides, he doesn't seem like he's hurting for friends much within this Liverpool squad, why upset the balance by taking away a natural yang to his Balkan yin? Mmmmmm, yeah--you see that post? Dejan inspire this post.

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