Jürgen Klopp closed out his first transfer window nearly three weeks ago, but we're still no closer to understanding exactly what he looks for in a player when it comes to the most important measure of all: tattoos. Marko Grujić was the only player signed in January, and the youngster's skin remains free and clear of any ink-based adornment.
Klopp has a few months still to determine just what kind of ink he'd like to bring in, but owing to last summer's failure by UEFA's official tattoo coefficient expert to update Liverpool's rankings, there is still a chance before the summer window opens to review and revise last season's rankings in hopes that they'll help Klopp see what he has to work with going into next season.
5) Jordan Henderson
Sneaking into fifth place and making his first appearance on this list is Liverpool's captain. At some point after the birth of his second child, Hendo got a commemorative piece on his rib cage listing the names and dates of birth of his two daughters. Aw. Frankly, on anyone else this tattoo would not have been enough to crack the top five, but Henderson represents a new era of captaincy for Liverpool FC and that captaincy will be tattooed.
4) Martin Skrtel
Though he reigned supreme last time out, Skrtel's been unable to maintain his status this time around. Sure, he's added a piece of flair ripped straight from Liverpool's third kits a few years back above the angel on his back, and he's added something scripty and date-based as a chest piece, but this is not the level we expect Skrtel to be performing at in this area.
3) Philippe Coutinho
Wee Phil has less surface area to work with than most of his colleagues but he makes the most of what he's got. Phil spent the summer completing the sleeve on his left arm with some sort of cloud motif to surround the ever adorbs "Never Stop Dreaming" tattoo he got the previous season. Future prediction: Phil gets a tattoo commemorating the birth of his daughter just before Christmas. Watch this space.
2) Nathaniel Clyne
The first of two summer transfers to make the list, Clyne ran straight down the flank and into second spot owing to the volume of work he brought with him when he moved from Southampton. Clyne joins the fine tradition of Liverpool defenders with full sleeves, relying heavily on London landmarks, clouds, and scrolls with text, though he loses points for the disturbing toddler self-portrait labelled "baller from birth" because omg baby tattoos. Don't forget the chest piece!
1) Danny Ings
He's one for the future, they said. He's young and has time to develop, they said. No one anticipated how quickly young Danny Ings would get up to speed, nor could they have predicted that he'd immediately leap to the top of both Liverpool's list of fit strikers early in the season and the tattoo rankings. Sadly, Ings was quickly sidelined with injury for the remainder of the season, but nothing can sideline those boss sleeves.
Hall of Fame
Daniel Agger, always and forever. Raul Meireles, for continuing to become the punk rock god of our dreams and generally just not giving a fuck. Fernando Torres, because the hurt has faded.
Luis Suarez, who seems to have upped his game significantly since moving to Barcelona. Bonus marks for turning that faux-tribal thing into something slightly more palatable. Alberto Moreno, for his consistent body of work.
Mario Balotelli, for being out on loan and probably going to China anyway. Roberto Firmino, because I really, really, really hate his neck tattoo. Joe Allen, Jose Enrique, James Milner, Mamadou Sakho, and Simon Mignolet for remaining tattoo free to the best of our knowledge.