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The Week in Search Terms: Liverpool April Fools

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People find their way to the Liverpool Offside using all kinds of search terms. Some of those terms can seem strange, unusual, or just in need of an answer. Here are a few of them.

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epl golden gloves

The Premier League’s Golden Gloves go to the goalkeeper with the most clean sheets, and rather shockingly—at least based on the first half of the season—Simon Mignolet is now one of the favourites to win it. The leader is still Southampton’s Fraser Forster, who has 14 shutouts in 30 starts, but Mignolet and Ben Foster are close on his heels with 12 in 28. Swansea’s Lukasz Fakianski is third with 11 clean sheets in 29 starts.

how long will injured liverpool players be out?

Right up at the top of every page, in the middle of the title bar, is the Library drop-down menu. Head there and click on Physio Room. Voilà. All the injured Liverpool players and, when information is available, how much longer they’re expected to be out.

liverpool april fools

We’re signing Marco Reus?

dangers of alcoholism

Dangers of alcoholism include being popular, having more fun, and that everybody—including that person staring back at you from the mirror—seems just a little bit more attractive. There’s also the hangovers, of course, though drinking alcohol that’s higher in quality and clarity can often cut down on those. Though if you can sort those there’s still cirrhosis of the liver to worry about if you drink too much. Plus anemia. And certain forms of cancer, particularly of the mouth and throat.

All of which is a touch depressing, to say the least. For which I think I need a drink. or five.

emre can handsome

With or without alcohol.

martin skrtel ruling

In case you missed it, the FA upheld their violent conduct ruling for his apparent stamp on Manchester United’s David de Gea, and so both he and club captain Steven Gerrard will be ineligible for Saturday’s match against Arsenal, the mid-week FA Cup replay against Blackburn, and next weekend’s league tie against Newcastle. All of which means fans should expect at least one of Kolo Toure or Dejan Lovren back in the lineup, and there’s even the chance Brendan Rodgers changes things up by returning to four at the back.

antonio valencia

No thanks.

the number 23

The Number 23 was a terrible 2007 thriller starring Jim Carrey as a man who becomes convinced that every horrible, terrible, not-so-good event that takes place is directly connected to the number or some permutation of it. It scored 8% on Rotten Tomatoes, putting it in the company of such modern classics as Night at the Roxbury, Battlefield Earth, Christmas with the Kranks, and Basic Instinct 2.

The number 23 is also the ninth prime number, the atomic number of vandium, the number of years the Qur’an was revealed to Muhammad over, the number of times Julius Caesar was stabbed, and the number Jamie Carragher wore for Liverpool.

you’re not a moron you’re only a case of arrested development

Is that supposed to make me feel better about everything, or worse?