The Week in Comments: "they can't buy hoppiness though"

Watch: Liverpool All-Star Charity Match Full Highlights

"Bring it in for a hug, lads"
"Pssst, Stevie. Charlie’s here too."
"Don’t make eye contact. Just don’t make eye contact."

— saintgrobian, on this picture

Chief Ralphie the Red: Thanks for posting the highlights. That looked fun. But those kits were awful.

Dr Killmuffin: There were so many old people involved that they had to do it in black and white.

Rumour Mongering: Jordan Henderson to Manchester City

PeterRed: Manchester City need to realise that you can't buy happiness.

Elizabeth: except for when it wins you the league twice in three seasons

BloodRunsRed: they can't buy hoppiness though

Brendan Rodgers has Two Weeks to Fix a Broken Midfield and Save Liverpool’s Season

Play Lucas.
Midfield fixed.
Q.E.D.

— a tommy point

Muscle Tear Could Sideline Sturridge for Up To Four Weeks

The Downing years (because I can’t resist)

No Goals and no assists
Tripped over his own feet
Watch out row G – he’s trying to cross again
Mark the corner flag
Still no goals or assists
Get the ball, look at fullback, panic! Pass back 20 yards
Cut in from the right, shoot over the crossbar
Still no goals or assists
Fulham – a goal at last, shush the fans (it’s at this point that he loses his last supporters!)
Injures himself falling over his own feet
Proves his versatility by being equally as useless at LB as he was at RM or LM
Be serviceable (apparently serviceable is a synonym for cowardly and anonymous)
Finally sold to West Ham – All is right with the world again

— Luis Suarez Dentist

Raheem Sterling "Not Ready" to Leave Liverpool

This gets said all the time. But why isn’t John Barnes on the payroll? I reckon he’d have this sorted in no time.

— Nebhamoo

Rumour Mongering: Liverpool Line Up Sterling Replacement

Not sure if it makes it better or not
but I read it with a Sean Connery accent for funsies.

— tjwGOblue, on calling Manchester City "Man Shitty"

Sterling Scores First England Goal in Comfortable Victory over Lithuania

Yeah that Glenson sub is definitely pasta expiration date. I get that he’s no spring chicken but it seems like we’ve quit using him cold turkey. Still, if Raheem’s bread and butter is slicing and dicing defenders, playing him in the hindquarters is the wrong roll.

Wheat be butter off giving dreem a pizza the attacking midfield action, is what I’m saying.

— nihil in moderato

Luis Suarez Dentist played rate the signings to positive effect.

Sakho “Finally Happy” at Liverpool

Captain, really.

— Ed

(via me)

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• Welcome to delurkers Steven's Scouse Accent, gionumber26, and Redbeard24. Apologies if I missed anyone!

If it's not on this list, what was your favourite comment (not made by you!) this week?