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Rumour Mongering: Liverpool Hot for Mor, Emre

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Liverpool to go for ALL OF THE EMRES!!!

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No other club in the world gets a Liverpool fan's blood to boil quite as quickly as Manchester United. Not oil slicked Chelsea, nor silky smooth Arsenal, nor our blue-blooded brothers Everton. Manchester City's sky blue is always going to be difficult to work up a hot hatred for, and Tottenham are much too Spursy. But Manchester United? Anytime. Anywhere. Over anything.

It is that rivalry that makes a random rumor mongering bit about a fairly anonymous Danish teenager so darn intriguing. And as Manchester United continue to print their own money at a prodigious rate and Liverpool's new Gaffer waxes messianically about preferring to develop the world's next great superstars, this transfer battle business is becoming increasingly bloodthirsty.

They snapped up Depay and we snapped up Firmino. They snapped up Shaw and we snapped up Clyne. And now that Anthony Martial is a such a big hit, wouldn't it be nice to bounce back in this arms race with a teenage wunderkind to replace Raheem Sterling? Apparently there is a player out there that fits the bill. The name is Emre Mor and the teams battling for him are, you guessed it, Liverpool and Manchester United.

But will he be that next supernova? If this randomly-happened-upon and poorly translated LinkedIn page dubiously linked to his google image results is anything to go by--and our sources tell us that it is--then the answer is an emphatic YES. The guy's name apparently translates to mother, and if you don't love cheering for a mother then not only can we not trust you, but you are halfway to that summer internship on Jose Mourinho's training staff. Congratulations.

As if that weren't convincing enough, the kid is specializing in Marketing and Advertising. Now, it goes without saying that when you're engaged in a vicious breakdance battle for revenue against the Glazers and Abramovichs and Mansours of the world, it doesn't hurt to have one or two guerilla tactics up your sleeve. Tactics like--oh, we don't know--a promising, left-footed forward/midfielder who slots into a right attacking role just as easily as he slots into a pitch meeting for that prospective Dunkin Donuts extension.

And don't even pretend like you haven't already worked out a couple who's on first pun combinations involving the German Adonis that is Emre Can. After all, if one Emre Can, then maybe more Emre fervor can lead to more Emre Mor?