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Liverpool 1 Swansea City 0: First Thoughts

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Jürgen Klopp's first win at Anfield is a boring game, won by a boring penalty kick, scored by boring James Milner.

It was not even remotely close to this exciting.
It was not even remotely close to this exciting.
Alex Livesey/Getty Images

liverpool blog fc sbn

Liverpool 1 Milner (pk) 62'
Swansea City 0

  • Pregame thoughts: Philippe Coutinho may not be fit enough to make Jürgen Klopp's bench, but he'll always be fit enough to make our daydreams.  The loss of the Brazilian unicorn does mean someone else has to stand up, and we're highlighting that right flank of Nathaniel Clyne and Jordon Ibe to have a top, top, top game. Swans' left flank of Taylor and Routledge is pacy, earthily toned, and gloriously grey/green-eyed, but it is a limited footballing combination vis a vis the expansive talents of their Liverpool counterparts.

  • No matter how many games he misses, or goals he scores, Daniel Sturridge will always have a world class sense of hairstyle.

  • Bit of a sleepy start to the match for crowd and players, alike. Emre's slotting straight into that Lucas role--one to watch, that.

  • Wonderful transitional work from the Reds leads to a toe-poked ball from Ibe to Bartley who struck low and hard against the upright. Combination play like that is what makes Owen Goal such a valuable addition to any squad.

  • Don't look now, but Milly's having a great start to this game. Also having a great start to this game? Pretty much every other Reds player. Liverpool have started well is what we're trying to say.

  • Benteke has absolutely massive feet, which allow you to see just how terrible his touch was on a take from a lofted, dreamboat of a ball from Can. Be better, Tekkers.

  • ERMERGAWD JORDAN HENDERSON ON THE BENCH, AAAAHHHHHH--/faints.

  • We're eight weeks pregnant from that no-look-ghost-foot pass Clyne just played Ebay on with. Yum.

  • Looks like Emre's responsible for marking borborygmus warthog Ashley Williams on set pieces. The trick there is all in the pre-baiting. Have to get the beast comfortable with the trap site if you're trying to get the best of a savvy hog.

  • First third of the match gone and the Reds are comfortable with the press doing a lot of the work for them. Swans are growing into the match, though, and neither side looks particularly likely to bag an opener.

  • Halftime: The sort of game that Liverpool fans could couch as comfortable, Swansea fans could feel quietly confident in, and the neutral could couch as boring. Regardless, plenty of talking points to be had on our final third movement/hunger if you're Jürgen Klopp. Our halftime team talk includes a frosty Dos Equis lager washing down a post-thanksgiving sandwich of smoked turkey, brie, pickled ocra, and a splash of gravy all tucked into those ridiculously tasty biscuits our gracious host insisted we take home a double helping of.

  • Same energy levels from the crowd and players to start the second, and Emre quickly demonstrates the sort of turnover in the middle of the pitch that makes people doubt his suitability for the role.

  • Eder goes down and immediately starts rubbing his trouble area in such a way that wont keep those shorts Swan Lake white for long. Swan Swamp, maybe.

  • Liverpool's pace of ball movement demonstrably quicker here, but it's still a clunky fit with Benteke leading the attack. We wonder if--ERMARGAWD JORDAN HENDERSON IS WARMING UP!!!!! /faints.

  • Two-thirds of the match gone and Klopp is starting to get angry. You'd absolutely love him when he's angry.

  • We're not sure what we're paying you for, Christian, but cheeky little layoffs when you receive it in the area with space to swivel and strike is most certainly not the fuck it.

  • ***GOAL*** Milner (penalty) 62'. They asked James if he'd like to take the penalty, so he said "Ok."

  • Jürgen makes his first questionable decision in Red by taking off Firmino and leaving on Benteke. No questioning that expression after the goal, though, and--ERMARGAWD ITS HENDERSON TO COME ON!!!!!! /faints.

  • Cork and Ki sounds less like a robust midfield partnership and more like a California home goods boutique where everything is $40 overpriced and somehow made with kale. Studge comes on for the dreadful Benteke, which perks up the equally dreadful crowd. Double bonus impact!

  • Seriously, Stamford Bridge made more noise when Diego Costa tossed his jersey at Mourinho than this Anfield crowd has done today.

  • Martin Skrtel's been everywhere he needs to be today. And Dejan Lovren hasn't done anything to make us want to overturn this coffee table and poke our eyes out with an exposed leg.

  • Glyfi Sigurdsson comes from the land of the ice and snow where the midnight sun--aaaaand he dribbles it off his own foot and falls on his bum. 

  • Gary Monk will be fine if he gets sacked by Swans. If you can survive last season's Homeland season finale, you can survive anything.

  • People really love Jordan Henderson--ERRMARGAWD ITS JORDAN HENDERSON YOU GUYS AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! /faints.

liverpool blog fc sbn

We'll be back shortly to take an in-depth look at everything that happened in today's game with the full recap. Until then, let us know your take on the ups and downs of the match in the comments, and if you haven't already, join the community on the Liverpool Offside, where we'll have full coverage and lively in-game discussion for every match this season.