In the year of our Fowler 2014, the future of the club's UEFA Tattoo Coefficients passed on from Liverpool's reigning king. Daniel Agger returned home to the birthplace of his Viking forbearers, taking with him his considerable body of work — pun intended — and leaving a vacancy on the throne. So many people have spent the summer asking how Liverpool will replace Luis Suarez's goals, but how many have asked how they'll replace Daniel Agger's tattoos? Too few, friends, too few.
But Brendan Rodgers had a good summer transfer window, and like with the task of replacing his wantaway striker, Rodgers made sure to bring in not one but multiple players who could offset the loss of Agger's departure. Rodgers is a man with a plan, and his policy of recruiting based on tattoo-to-surface-area-of-skin ratio looks like it will pay off.
5) Rickie Lambert
He may have fewer tattoos than many of his teammates, but what Lambert lacks in quantity he certainly makes up in quality as the only player to possess a Liverbird tattoo. Lambert gets points for having acquired the tattoo long before becoming an actual Liverpool player, and will forever be on this list (with a ranked placement or an honourary membership) because of it.
4) Philippe Coutinho
Although he's added a few new pieces since he first made this list, Phil drops a spot by virtue of no longer being the new kid on the block. He's added a delightful little "Never Stop Dreaming" — we won't, Phil, we won't! — tattoo to the inside of his left forearm and some sort of lion cloud thing (MUFASA?) on the back of the same arm.
3) Alberto Moreno
He's blown away the opposition down the left flank, and now he'll blow away fans with the sheer variety of tattoos he has. A Hamsa hand and a face of some sort, a skull atop a pair of wings, and what looks like a Mesoamerican (?) architectural frieze of some sort are just the beginning with the tiny Spaniard. Wee little Alberto's only problem in the future will be that his diminutive stature means far less skin on which to tattoo. Problems!
2) Adam Lallana
Lallana is a crafty tattoo enthusiast, the kind who makes sure to keep them hidden from plain sight and easy to cover up. But when he goes big, boy does he go big, as his runner-up position is based solely on the size of this torso-sized
angel saint on his ribcage.
1) Martin Skrtel.
It's perhaps fitting that Skrtel should inherit Agger's throne. The two were teammate BFFs, and clearly had much in common when it came to this all important bonding topic. Skrtel is certainly the player with the most epidermal surface area covered by ink, although the giant angel on his back is certainly no match for a Viking graveyard. Still, Skrtel won hearts and minds last year when the heart tattoo on his lower back made its debut to the world, and no doubt the centre back will continue to marvel us with his future tattoo selections.
Hall of Fame
Daniel Agger would have retained his position as king of this list, given the many additions he added over the last year, but, alas, it was not to be. He will always have a place at the heart of this recurring feature, though.
Luis Alberto, Iago Aspas, Andre Wisdom, and Sebastian Coates are all out on loan at the moment, and thus will have to make their contributions towards their loan clubs' coefficients. Steven Gerrard, Jordan Henderson, Lucas Leiva, wee Joe Allen, and Jose Enrique still remain ink-free to the best of our knowledge.