The Week in Comments: "I love Stexabi Gerlonso so much."

Pre-Manchester City Overnight Open Thread

Gerrard’s body, Gerrard’s technique, Gerrard’s vision, Gerrard’s commitment, Henderson’s age.

— Shippey, on which characteristics of current players would build the ideal player

Carroll’s speed and agility
Downings creativity
Adams penalty taking
Spearings ball winning
Aquilanis durability
Johnson’s consistency
Enrique’s right foot
Sturridges dance moves
Suarez’s self restraint

— usmc reds, on which characteristics would make the worst player

Manchester City v. Liverpool: Lineups, TV Schedule, and Live Coverage

Dear TLO brethren and sistren – as I will be unable to watch today’s tussle with City, and will instead be consigned to following “minute by minute” commentaries on various newspaper sites concurrently with this thread, I wish to register a plea for the picturesque in your comments.

What I mean is, abbreviated pronouncements during the game along the lines of “s**t!”, “f**k!”, “greaaaat”, and “Glen!” will really do nothing but cause a knot of tension without much insight into what is actually going on (although if you mention Glen, I think we all know what probably just happened). Did City score? LFC give up a penalty? Free kick? Red card? Injury? Hendo’s hair got tousled? Not acceptable, people!

Conversely, pronouncements along the lines of “OMFG”, “f**k yeah!”, “have my babies Wee Joe!” and “Scoregasm!” suggest to me something vaguely good has happened, with my imagination left to do the rest. Goal for LFC? Successful 8 foot lateral pass from Joe? Cross blocked by Glen Johnson (this would merit an OMFG in my mind)? Admittedly, “scoregasm!” leaves slightly less room for doubt, but you get the point. As the Bard said in the original draft of Hamlet: “Brevity is the soul of wit, but it can be a right pain in matchday threads.”

. . .

Ah, screw it, who am I trying to kid? I love the one word comments. OMG Let’s do this s**t boys and bring on the scoregasms!

— saintgrobian

Rumour Mongering: Manchester United Target Joe Allen Wait What?

I read the first sentence and spit out my coffee.

Then I laughed maniacally and took another drink, read the second sentence and spit out my coffee again. It took me 5 cups of coffee to read this article.

— Farce of Nature

Daniel Agger Set for £3m Brondby Return

How I died.

Oh My God. Where did this all this water on the floor come from? Am I crying?
NO NO. This could not be happening.
You were right, Frederich. God is dead.
Can I sell all my life, and myself, to shift to Denmark? Can I witness the miracle of Saint Agger? I didn’t believe in virtue, in goodness of human values, till this man came along. Since then, I have some iota of belief in the old, romantic notions, in visions of heroism and love, in faithfulness and bonding, in great men and great human beings.
I think it is fitting, then, that I die by drowning in my own tears. It was the least I could do for this man. Nay, not a man. An immortal.

— Ranjodh Singh Dhaliwal

Importance of Adam Lallana for Liverpool Becomes Evident as Return from Injury Nears

Still can’t get my head around how overlooked Lallana has been. For me, he’s our most important signing of the summer. He’s gonna be a pivotal cog in this machine, whether fans like it or not. Contributing to the scoring void left by Suarez’ departure? Check. Supporting the vital dirty work of Jordan Henderson? Check. Supplementing the delicious vision and trickery of Phil Coutinho? Double check. Give that lad a cookie.

— Nerf

Liverpool Host Ludogorets to Kick Off Champions League Return

epicskyline: Secretary, cancel my appointments for that week! Friends and loved ones, you’re either watching with me or you’re going without my sparkling presence. Job? What job? Thank god I don’t have children. How do you parents do it?

NC Nole: DVR and mass quantities of alcohol.

Noel: I think the implied question was, “How do you do it while still being responsible parents who don’t saddle their children with severe abandonment issues?” To which I’m gathering the answer is, “You don't."

Ken Mueller: on game days, I prefer to think of them as tiny beverage fetches/waiters

Balotelli Will Face Tottenham

Balotelli Will Face Tottenham

WRONG! Tottenham Will Face Balotelli

— Ian9

Tottenham Hotspur v. Liverpool: Lineups, TV Schedule, and Live Coverage

Sterling's inner monologue: "Messi, Messi, Messi, Messi, Messi, Messi... Torres."

— a tommy point

Rodgers Lauds Performance of Moreno in Win Over Spurs

I love Stexabi Gerlonso so much.

— Nerf

(More) Tea and Crumpets with Cartilage Free Captain

Also if anyone tries to do some bullshit comparison involving Agger and whatever Spurs defender walks on water right now to be clever I will ban/cut/ban-cut you

— Ed

(via SASASAS)

• Total commenters: 354
• Total comments: 5848
• Total recs (lenient or otherwise): 7681
• Total green comments: 494

• Welcome to delurkers Ranjodh Singh Dhaliwal, Bacon in Red, PhilaYNWA, Cousin Nico, Dirk D Diggler, and all our friends from Cartilege Free Captain. Apologies if I missed anyone!

If it's not on this list, what was your favourite comment (not made by you!) this week?