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Transfer Rumour Mad Libs: Daniel Agger Edition

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Four teams, two players, and one ever evolving transfer story that just refuses to die, or even agree upon a single version of who is going where and why.

Michael Regan

Friends, I grow weary. I grow weary of transfer rumours involving my favourite Liverpoool player, as the permutations of the rumour change daily despite no new information becoming available beyond that which can be gleaned from a little mental math and filling in the blanks.

Filling in the blanks seems to be a past time of the journos at some of the less reputable news outlets in Europe, and so we might as well go full on into guesswork by playing a little Liverpool Offside Transfer Rumours Mad Libs™. Get out your pencils and write down the following:

  1. Player 1
  2. Player 1's current club
  3. Player 1's current manager
  4. Player 1's age
  5. Club #2
  6. Club #2's home ground
  7. A transfer fee, in millions
  8. Player #1's nationality
  9. Club #3
  10. Player #2
  11. Club #4

Confused yet? Don't be. The transfer rumour will become clear when you plug it into the real story below.

[Player 1] has had a tearful heart-to-heart with [current club] boss [current manager] and asked to leave the club.

The distraught [age]-year-old defender made his emotional request in a dressing-room exchange during their recent pre-season tour of [destination].

[Player 1] is now set to be sold, with [Club #2] the favourites to land him.

A move to the [Club #2's home ground] for the £[fee] -rated [Player 1's nationality] would pave the way for [Club #3]’s [Player 2] to go to [Club #4] - his preferred destination.

Yesterday, that story would have been Daniel Agger to Arsenal, Thomas Vermaelen to Barcelona, and Manchester United not at all involved owing to no one wanting to go there. Today it's the opposite, as reported by the Daily Mirror, where Daniel Agger is once more set for a transfer to Barcelona, with Arsenal losing Thomas Vermaelen to Manchester United.

There's every possibility that tomorrow's rumour could be Daniel Agger to Manchester United, Thomas Vermaelen to Liverpool, and no one to Barcelona because they never deal with their centre back situation. None of it matters because most of it is made up. Somewhere in a newsroom in London, a room full of monkeys are plugging random names into pre-written stories and then hitting the publish button on the paper's website.

If you want to strike fear into the hearts of fans, it doesn't get any easier than this.

Daniel Agger departed Liverpool's pre-season tour ahead of the Chicago match, with no reason ever publicly shared. Brendan Rodgers was quick to provide updates about other early departures and player injuries, but remained quiet on the subject of his out of favour defenseman. It's odd that the Mirror would suddenly "learn" the true reason nearly two weeks later, yet they've provided a tale of heart-breaking woe featuring the tough-as-nails Dane breaking into tears in the dressing room, begging his manager to just let him leave the club.

I'm not saying this never happened — I love a man who cries, believe me — but I remain a wee bit skeptical about the incident in the wake of the rampant guesswork being passed off as legitimate news in this whole Agger transfer kerfuffle. It's a layer that adds a huge sucker punch of emotion to the story, and one that many fans are within their rights to be out of sorts over, but until there's something remotely resembling a real source on this subject, it might be best to hold off on the premature farewell ceremonies.