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The Liverpool Offside's Transfer Round-Up: Official Opening Edition

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Welcome back to a round-up of selected transfer news from other clubs across the footballing land that have happened, could happen, might not happen, should happen, and are about to happen.

Clive Rose

Welcome back to the stupendous round-up of transfer news from the world of football. While embarking on this journey into player registration shenanigans, it has become apparent that the phrasal verb "step up" in relation to pursuing a player quickens this accursed (oops, not ETW) writer's pulse and creates peerless excitement. When a club is stepping up a pursuit of a player, that's when matters take a serious turn and expectancy grows like a well-fed toddler. One day it is a quaint soul in your midst only to transform into a bulkier and heftier proposition in what seems to be an unexpectedly short passage of ticks of a grandfather clock. You notice the change in weight and there's more to carry, more supplies to provide.

Phrasal verbs, expectancy, and the transfer market is not only related to the wondrously fluctuating world of possessing emotions as a Liverpool fan in the transfer window. Deals have been brokered and offers have been tendered. There is only one place for a round-up to start.

I like talking to the media about deals because I love deals.

Rejoice. In an orderly fashion with the necessary reservation for respectability. Disregard such instructions and simply rejoice. Harry Redknapp, the one ordained by the Football Gods to provide Sky Sports with a purpose on the leanest of deadline days has been speaking about players. They're not attackers or players "who can do a job Jeff" but defenders in the centre. Rio Ferdinand has agreed a move to Premier League renewed boys QPR but needs to finish talking about World Cup matches before, in the middle, and after games for the BBC first. Interestingly, Steven Caulker could be on his way as his defensive partner because a fee has been agreed with Cardiff City.

Tell 'em 'Arry.

Rio has agreed to join us and we're hopeful of getting that one over the line when he gets back from the World Cup. I can't foresee any problems with it and we'd be delighted if we can get it done soon. He's been a player at the top of the list since he left Manchester United and he would give the whole place a lift with his quality and experience. We've agreed a fee with Cardiff and it's now up to Steven to decide his next move. I know him well from Spurs and he's always been a tremendous prospect. Hopefully that's another one we can get done.

Banish those World Cup blues by signing for the Blues.

Diego Costa has finally signed for Chelsea for £32 million, which was his buyout clause. He had an excellent campaign for Atlético Madrid and scored many goals so why not provide those services for more money? Atlético have kept Koke by renewing his contract, as addressed in the last edition of this transfer round-up. Chelsea's manager declared that he needed a "killer" upfront for Chelsea who will do the first part by scoring a goal before the second "killer" part commences. Make of that what you will.

Club that forgot to sign players permanently anymore signs a player permanently.

Club also appointed Joe Kinnear to do useful things does useful things without Joe Kinnear. The shock is palpable. Anyway, one unsuccessful temporary experience of one de Jong brother did not rule out another and so it came to pass. Siem de Jong has joined Newcastle United on a six-year deal. That's an awfully lengthy arrangement but he is a decent player who played an instrumental role in the Frank de Boer era at Ajax as attacking midfielder, makeshift forward, captain, and youth system product. The fee is reported to be £6 million and at 25 years of age, the intelligent de Jong could be another canny Newcastle deal for a midfielder.

The only club in Scotland fighting for trophies signs a forgotten goalkeeper.

Everyone and their neglected baby toes decorated in a succession of corn plasters knows that Celtic are the only ones legitimately in it to win it. That club needed a goalkeeper and the Football Gods, with the assistance of scouts and club executives, delivered. Craig Gordon, who hasn't played since April 2012, has signed a two year-deal and is only 31. He could conceivably win titles, get paid, relaunch his career, and just have some fun watching the ball repeatedly cross the goal line into opposition nets from the safety of the other end of the pitch. Fraser Forster may leave but it's good news for a talented player. The former Sunderland player has finally found a home.

Another big name moves to the MLS.

The MLS will welcome another player past their peak but still young as well as good enough to be useful at a decent European team in a top league. Kaká will join the MLS' newest addition to the range of clubs friendly to former great, Orlando City. There are somewhat diverting pictures and words about the move but good luck to the man who received quite the welcome when he arrived in Orlando.

In other news...

Leeds United's owner wants player out because his birthday is unlucky. There is no link to the fact that Paddy Kenny, the player in question, earns the second-highest wages at the club. Massimo Cellino will not be quelled so easily. The future of Scottish football, Ryan Gauld,moves to Sporting and there's a €60 million buyout clause even if he was signed for a few million. The one known as "Baby-Messi" could be one to watch. Keylor Navas may go to Barcelona but more money s required for a sale to be agreed. Navas' release clause is €10 million so Barca will need to provide a satisfying offer to La Liga surprise package Levante. Prandelli or Moyes for a job that will pay good money?

There's only one winner and he's got a lot more vowels in his name than poor David. Chin up, at least you're willing to work abroad.