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Everything's the Worst: ETW Cannot Be Usurped

Did you seriously think you could escape ETW's corrupt clutches?

Not at Anfield. Liverpool have to deal with that swiftly and effectively
Not at Anfield. Liverpool have to deal with that swiftly and effectively
Jamie Squire

It appears that the pervasive feeling of unrelenting woe and insurmountable pain has returned, which ETW is obviously thankful for. It was a difficult couple of months for ETW as plans were afoot to ruin the World Cup in Brazil for Brazil and Liverpool were making solid moves in the transfer market. Overworked and malnourished with not many accursed morsels of misery to feast on, ETW has been absent since early May when the frailty of hope was exposed for what it really was. Yet fresh from completing the mission in Belo Horizonte and fortified by the departure of Liverpool's star player, ETW finally can return with the motivation and satisfaction to offer the foulest tidings once more.

It is good to be back and witness such disarray. What was particularly irksome was this nonsensical ETB movement that weak-willed cronies of the hollow positivity faction churned out with maddening regularity. Liverpool have signed players before the transfer window! So what? Liverpool have signed good backup players and starters/depth players who are tailored to the playing system! The scouting and management are actually doing what they are paid for, which is something that shouldn't be worthy of excessive praise. Maybe a biscuit and a possible yet unconfirmed yet seemingly always unfulfilled offer to buy a packet of crisps could be tendered in recognition of such "successes" but the outpouring of unbridled satisfaction with the work of the club is verging on hyperbolic mania and it must be crushed.

Thankfully, Liverpool fans have long glued themselves to the mercurial talents of a man who just can't get enough. Of people's flesh. To his credit, Luis Suárez has only shown what those who affix their appreciation closely to ETW already know. People are delicious. Their misery, their flesh, their hopes, their secrets, their flaws, their insecurities, and their constant irrational utterances. All of them are equally delectable but Suárez has been busy scoring goals for quite a while so it is only natural that he would barely have time for intermittent nibbles in one of these areas. His choice was to briefly taste the more robust members of the human species fortunate to eke a living from professional football.

One has to sample such delights whenever they're available irrespective of television cameras. There may be damage to one's reputation, club, national team, and family but those who haven't sampled such delights are unaware of how worthwhile even the tiniest taste is. Barcelona's newest addition is simply misunderstood, nothing more. Thankfully, a season where the former, yes former, Liverpool number seven performed as well as Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo has been rewarded for joining them in next season's El Clásico clashes where he belongs. Barcelona have realised this, offered Liverpool a fair financial exchange for his services and now boast an attacking trident of Messi, Neymar, and Suárez.

As for Liverpool, there have been the usual hasty inane scouting reports by misguided blogging savants on genuinely talented youngsters such as Lazar Marković on the assumption that Liverpool would actually act swiftly to secure a a player who rejected overtures from Chelsea. It will be interesting to note that a supposed medical on Thursday or Friday has still not occurred and if the move breaks down then it will be another case of a precocious European talent of genuine worth failing to join Liverpool. Who needs Henrikh Mkhitaryan to burn a piercing hole in one's soul when you've got Alberto Moreno and Lazar Marković?

Adam Lallana, Emre Can, and Rickie Lambert constitutes a decent start to the transfer window. Those additions have the necessary rhymes and reasons for their roles in the squad. However, when one subtracts a single Luis Suárez from this summer's transfer equation can one dare to remain positive when it appears that adding three but removing one leaves Liverpool with zero? Yes, there is time to for Liverpool to add Premier League titans such as Wilfried Bony, Ryan Bertrand, and Dejan Lovren but Liverpool remain in a neutral position with £75 million to spend even if it will arrive in staggered payments.

Feel the pain of his departure. Rail in silent internet anger at the faith you showed only for him to move to an admittedly superior club. Pretend your satisfaction with the likes of Lallana and Bony is as genuine as Steven Gerrard's defensive capabilities at the base of midfield. Declare your faith in one of the Premier League's superior finishers who appears physically fragile in comparison to his former "soloist" partner. Wickedly whisper of the doubts you have over many of last summer's additions who supported the supporting cast of Liverpool's unlikely title challenge last season.

Liverpool fans had their joy in the transfer window but be aware that this is the season where the top seven teams all have capable managers. There will be blood and if ETW has it's way there will be notable victims so Liverpool should do all in its power this summer to ensure that it will not be among their number. This isn't a science-fiction film backed by a toy manufacturer but football at the sharpest end in one of Europe's toughest leagues where there's rarely revenge for the fallen.

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