December brings with it a variety of holidays in which gift giving has, for better or worse, become a part of the festive celebrations. For some this is a source of joy, as selecting the perfect gift for a friend or loved one can be can be an excellent expression of their affections. For others, it brings nothing but misery as they schlupp through crowded shopping malls to find an item that has been sold out for weeks.
Here at TLO Towers we're givers, not takers, and so we present to you the TLO Holiday Gift Guide. Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Saturnalia, Yule, Feast of Winter Veil, Festivus or Decemberween, no matter what you might celebrate, we've got you covered for all your gift giving opportunities.
For Your Friend with an Ironic Fashion Sense
The ugly Christmas sweater is a staple of hipster holiday parties everywhere, and for North American fans struggling to convince their friends that soccer is a worthwhile expenditure of time, why not double down on the hipsterism by sporting a football-themed ugly sweater? Your friend will be the hit of all the parties they attend!
For the Kids
LFC Mighty Red book (£7)
Written by Linda Pizzuti, the inaugural book in what is apparently going to be a series describes Mighty Red as:
"a fun-loving, cheeky young Liver Bird who has so much energy. In this opening adventure, Mighty's parents take him to a Liverpool FC match at Anfield for the very first time. Here, all of his amazing vitality helps his beloved team win!"
Keeping in mind that we've now learned that there are not one but at least three monsters of the Mighty Red variety, perhaps this should not be read to children.
For the Daniel Agger Enthusiast Who isn't Over His Transfer
He was taken too soon, but for Daniel Agger fans who haven't yet moved on, the club provide a loving if also temporary tribute to their fallen hero. There's something for everyone in this variety pack of tattoos, from the simple yet classic Liverbird logo to more elaborate winged monstrosities that are equal parts fervent support and bad aesthetics.
Be kind and consider that it may still be too soon for the giftee to receive this sort of gift, though .
For Lucas Leiva
LFC Monopoly (£35)
The club's motley band of South Americans may be dwindling in recent years, but this Liverpool-themed Monopoly game might be just the ticket to get Lucas back on track as the club's go-to social coordinator for players far from home. Jose Enrique may have the Spanish players locked down, but we'll always have board games and appetizers at the Leiva household.
For Friends with Money
The prawn sandwich contingent is a much-derided group of the match day audience, but even if they allegedly like football less than the average fan, that doesn't mean they're not deserving of a lovely gift this time of year. Enter the LFC Dinner Bell, which they can use to summon the hired help when they're ready to eat those prawn sandwiches.
For a Four-Legged Friend
You'll never walk alone — literally! With this dog leash, you and your favourite canine can walk the streets in style, confident that no matter what the world throws at you, you'll always have man's best friend at your side.
There are a lot of questionably designed t-shirts in the LFC club shop, but none so matches the ornamental overload of the Tapout brand as this particular item. The jury is still out on what the "roar" component of this shirt might entail — the roar of the crowd? the roar of a pride of lions? — but no doubt it is cozy and shows your love of grunge design.
For the Foodie
Joe Allen Restaurant ($$)
We all know someone for whom fine dining is the ultimate in experiences, so why not give the gift of food to your Red friends in NYC? Located in the heart of the theatre district, Joe Allen Restaurant has been serving musical theatre lovers for decades. Joe Allen also has a location in Covent Garden, London, making the trip for UK-based Reds even easier.
"I've never walked out of Joe Allen's upset at the experience." — Douglas W
"Been going here for years and Joe Allen never disappoints." — Laurie D
For Any and All* Liverpool Fans
It's a gift that works in all contexts and for all occasions. Liverpool are winning? Celebratory drinking. Liverpool are losing? Drinking in despair. Liverpool are having a horrible season? Drowning in your alcoholic beverage of choice. The club make all of these choices easier by providing options for drinking both at home and on the road, ensuring that no matter where you are, you're always prepared.
* Do not give this to your friends who are in recovery.