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Everything's the Worst: Full Moon Edition

ETW has been ruminating about things that should be said but withheld when spirits are riddled with the most oppressive of afflictions.

Yes, yes. Steve Bruce hiding his head as a joke while Liverpool were in the process of dropping two points at home was a highlight for the cameras. Hilarious.
Yes, yes. Steve Bruce hiding his head as a joke while Liverpool were in the process of dropping two points at home was a highlight for the cameras. Hilarious.
Alex Livesey

Oh glorious day! What a day it was on Saturday! The delectable morsels offered at St James' Park were unquestionably divine. It was a battle for the ages akin to badass Liam Neeson stock character taking on badass Denzel Washington stock character. What a stirring victory Liverpool achieved to keep pace with Arsenal and West Ham on 17 points. Tottenham may have picked up a late and unfortunate win, but both Manchester United and Everton dropped points. Southampton continued to collect points and clean sheets with a galling efficiency, but Liverpool did what was required.

Curses! Woken from slumber to this pitiful existence is not what the Football Gods promised. Inhuman organs were offered in good faith for a continued spell of unconsciousness to avoid this wretched state of affairs. These words do not flow with intent to engage in gainful conversation. Do not be fooled dishonoured reader, do not be fooled. Cast out your hopes of avoiding inevitable vituperation for they will be meet you kindly and with unconditional pleasure. This is no safe place for earnest folk to find warmth and a friendly word. Evil is afoot and it boils beneath us.

Limbo! This state of perceived eternal wait at the top four's gates. Who desires entry to the land of milk and honey? Manchester United? Not they, those serpentine purveyors of an imbalanced side. The future may spin tales far removed from such musings but witness a side worth far less than coins flung in desperation a few months ago. Everton? A club appearing to find surer footing but lacking in the necessary gumption at the very moments that grant entry to an exclusive club. Tottenham Hotspur? Home to two of the falsest of nines and a great hope in white, this side appears to be waiting for a beating even if the parts should form a stronger whole.

Wait! What of Liverpool? What of a side that scored over 100 goals in the Premier League last season and recorded a goal difference of over half a century? Surely such an outfit must be considered among the 13 and 14 points after ten games club. Ah yes, that menacing cabal that counts Newcastle and West Bromwich Albion among thy saints. Liverpool are indeed a member of the invite-only mediocrity club. A side of esteemed softness in defence and adept at promising progress in front of opposition defenders. Yes, the side that is comforted by the failings of others while Southampton, a club well-compensated for summer's departing stars, win and win again. What analysis shall suffice? What words can convey the frustration akin to that of parents when their son fails to comb his picky and unkempt hair with an afro comb that was purchased for the sole purpose of remedying such a ghastly sight?

None! There are no words to offer wounded souls cherished comfort or appreciated amenity. Liverpool fans have been looking at Manchester United, Everton, and Tottenham stumble alongside Brendan Rodgers' technicians with relief. This useless carcass has been blowing wasted air about such fortunes that still give Liverpool hope but just take a look. Arsenal are nestled in that fourth spot, comfortable after some soft Premier League performances and alarming Champions League showings. Can one even watch Alexis Sánchez play without feeling simultaneously disgusted and enthralled? He was the player that could have replaced him in terms of quality, intensity, flexibility, and possible productivity. Luis Suárez was at Liverpool but wanted to go to Barcelona. Alexis Sánchez was unwanted at Barcelona and very much open to moving to the Premier League. Drag me to hell.

With the opponents Southampton face from the end of November until the New Year along with Manchester United's taxing December schedule, there may be opportunity for Liverpool to be in a more acceptable position in relation to rival clubs. However, Liverpool continue to look like a side short of solutions and with each passing week, the phrase "it's early in the season" sounds increasingly vapid. The players are good. The manager is talented. The present looks strikingly like the recent past and this week could increase that dull, aching noise between the ears.

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