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Everything's the Worst: The TARDIS Edition

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ETW slithers back into that unguarded corner of your consciousness to predict the future in the past once again.

All smiles before the victory against Hull City.
All smiles before the victory against Hull City.
Alex Livesey

The bulk of the Premier League games on Saturday have not yet commenced and Manchester City are still engaged in an entertaining battle with Sam Allardyce's free-flowing West Ham United. Manuel Pellegrini is fortunate that Chelsea failed to win away to Manchester United because an eight point gap, while surmountable, is not something that should be on the agenda so early in the season. Attempting to travel in the future is futile without an effective machine and last December, the Delorean DMC-12 was utilised to satisfactory effect in journeying forward in time beyond the unsuspecting masses. If anyone wishes to do so, my advice would be to bring biscuits for the short journey. Unfortunately, such transportation is unavailable to this misguided soul and so, alternatives must be found.

Fortunately, some Scottish gentleman who looks uncannily like Peter Capaldi was on hand to lend me his machine for time travel. It's deceptively roomy, if lacking in resplendence. Well, what did you think of Luis Suárez's debut in El Clásico? Cristiano Ronaldo scored again and kept up his herculean scoring record in La Liga. Barcelona had to concede a goal at some stage but went into the match with 22 goals scored, a plus goal difference of 22, and 22 points. Those figures alone seemed to be a mark of the Football Gods with machinations and sorcery in tow. Something was certainly afoot and going into the biggest game of the season to date against their fiercest rival with such numbers had to spell some sort of trouble for Barcelona.

Full time and West Ham have beaten reigning Premier League champions Manchester City. Some Chelsea supporting relative who is rumoured to be my father is whooping in jubilation in the background, ruining the foul balance struck in the atmosphere to concoct such ramblings. Pestilence. The weekend started with its first big surprise, it was not to be the last, as Sunderland's response to being completely devoured by Southampton saw Arsenal drop points. What of Liverpool you ask? Such reflections will come later and stop asking unnecessary questions. Inquisitive whelps always lack the patience of seasoned minds. A pity.

Liverpool finally managed to secure their biggest win in the Premier League since the away victory at White Hart Lane. Emre Can, Mario Balotelli, and Adam Lallana made key contributions in the victory. The relief for Balotelli was welcome and hopefully, it is just the start of fine form for both club and striker. Interestingly, a defeat to Hull in December was not something that was acceptable but occurred anyway. It's manner was eminently risible and galling indeed. Reflections a previous time travel journey seem apposite minutes before Liverpool and Hull do battle at Anfield.

Losing to Hull? Nah. Nope. No thank you. Another time perhaps. Not right now. I think I'll pass. Not today. Unfortunately, I cannot abide by that. That's not an option that I care to explore right now. It's not me but it's you and it's actually because you're Steve Bruce's Hull so I'm sure you'll understand why we won't be surrendering three points to you.

If we ignore the failure from Liverpool to start quickly as witnessed last season, the game against Hull was a decent way to recover after the defeat against European Champions Real Madrid. Looking ahead to the game against Swansea tomorrow, it seems that consecutive home victories would give Liverpool further confidence to head into the trip to St James' Park to face a Newcastle side that continued to show improvement against Tottenham Hotspur. Progress in cup competitions will mean less coaching time for Brendan Rodgers and company, but there will be an opportunity for squad players to feature for Liverpool to display the strength in depth that the club appears to possess. Momentum should never be estimated at a time when points are being dropped by rivals with peculiar regularity.

Listening to Sam Allardyce's satisfied assessments on another of his big wins is more than enough for this already damaged psyche so farewell for now. At least for fans of Jürgen Klopp's Borussia Dortmund, the German side managed to secure a home victory against Hannover 96 after a slow start and Derby were involved in an enormously entertaining game against Wigan. Combine that with Liverpool's victory and dropped points elsewhere to drown out the horrors of a smug, comfortable, and vindicated Big Sam. He's bigger than you, you know that right?