Luis Suarez Updates His Relationship Status With Liverpool to "It's Complicated"

I'm rarely moved to write in the first person, and I do so now so as to maintain no illusion that there aren't journalistically dubious aspects to today's offering. If you're looking for an actual source for the latest Luis Suarez Interview Controversy™, we still haven't found any audio of the alleged radio interview in which he says All The Things. Sorry. intrepid sleuth ilhan.blank has informed us that the interview is actually a Uruguayan television program, which you can check out on YouTube if you speak Spanish.

Still, through a combination of the Telegraph and some serious live tweeting on the part of @lbceleste (via @dinabass), there are some translations and, more importantly, some contextualization of what was said. Evidently the radio interview took place a few days ago ahead of Uruguay's World Cup qualification match against Venezuela later today.

So, what in Fowler's name did he say now?

The Controversy

"Of course I would like to play with Ronaldo, he is a great player," Suarez said in the Telegraph's version of the story. "You never know, but it is complicated. At the moment he is in Madrid and I am in Liverpool and I do not know what is going to happen."

Indeed, it's complicated. Or not, if Ronaldo moves to Merseyside as @ohyoubeauty suggested. There is all sorts of room for interpretation with out-of-context quotes!

The Context

Spanish is not on the list of languages I speak even poorly, and so this is the point in our program where we turn to translations by someone I presume to be Uruguayan on the basis of apparently having access to the interview and having a photo of the Uruguayan national team as her Twitter profile photo. (I reiterate: journalistic dubious offerings!)

Anchor: "who is better CRonaldo or LMessi?" LSuarez: "they are both amazing and above everybody else.. very different.." #suarez

— lbceleste (@LBCeleste) June 11, 2013

Anchor: "who would score more goals, Neymar-Messi or CRonaldo-Suarez?" LS: " ha ha ha... I don't know... that is complicated..." #suarez

— lbceleste (@LBCeleste) June 11, 2013

Anchor: "Do you think you would get along with CRonaldo"? LS: " ha ha ha... he is a great player... u never know.. ha ha" #suarez

— lbceleste (@LBCeleste) June 11, 2013

So, pressed into answering several questions about Cristiano Ronaldo, Suarez gave the same answers I could give if asked the same thing. Okay, Neymar/Messi might score more goals than Ronaldo/Eliz, but we'll never truly prove that theory given my refusal to move Spain.

Hey, was there anything else of value in that interview?

If you like stories about Luis Suarez helping children, there sure is! So, naturally, this is not the part you'll read about in English-language press.

• Suarez is providing financial support to the youth team at his old club, Nacional (x)
• When he retires he'd like to return to Uruguay to help kids who are growing up the same way he did (x)
• He empathizes with the young players he met during the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, who have similar playing conditions to the ones he experienced as a kid (x)

The Bottom Line

At the end of the day, everything is as vague and awkward as it was a week-and-a-half ago when Suarez first started answering questions about Real Madrid. Things are going to continue to be vague and awkward, but at the very least if Liverpool stick to their guns about not selling Suarez, we've got one good thing to look forward to during the baby parade at the end of next season:

Anchor: "so your baby...how old is she?"LS: 3, Delfi is 3.Anchor: &another 1 in few months?LS: A boy... (happy face) is a boy #suarez

— lbceleste (@LBCeleste) June 11, 2013

The man vexes me, he truly does, but... aw.