Climbing Back On Our Perch

Lest there be any anxiety amongst you, let me state at the outset that this will not be a trite, revisionist celebration of the outgoing Dark Lord of Manchester but neither will there be any unseemly haranguing of the Scot. There are ample avenues open to those who want to engage in ribaldry and wallow in unpleasantness -- I'm side-eyeing you, Twitter.

The only angle I want to examine this latest edition of Celebrity Manager Swop from, is a Liverpool one. Irrespective of the decisions and personnel changes made by others, Liverpool Football Club must get its own house in order, on and off the pitch, but it is tempting to ponder what impact this commutation may have on the Redmen.

Now, your humble correspondent is no advocate of the walking crime-against-cardigans that is David Moyes, but it is arguable that his achievements at Everton have been solid. Fans of that club will laud him to the rooftops and they are no doubt basking in the reflected glory of their exalted leader being poached by United. "We told you so!" they're probably shouting, as they ignite some crushingly pathetic lilac pyrotechnics.

You may or may not agree with the strongly-pushed media narrative that Moyes has worked wonders across Stanley Park, but he has certainly brought a degree of stability. Without it, it is very possible that our Merseyside rivals will fall away from the cluster of clubs that have a realistic chance of European football. This, of course, is a good thing for Liverpool fans. It is not that Liverpool should ever define themselves by Evertonian standards but it's undeniable that the removal of the Bluenoses as an irritant would be very pleasing indeed.

What of the impact the 50 year old David Moyes may have at Old Trafford? Crueler types than I have been wildly disparaging in this regard, citing his lack of a solitary trophy and an inability to beat the elite sides during his 11 years at the helm at Goodison. Were these naysayers to be accurate in their appraisal of Moyes' potential for success with the Mancs then, once again, it could only benefit Liverpool Football Club. Were Manchester United to slip from the perch Ferguson was so keen to usurp from Liverpool, then surely the painfully incremental, Brendan Rodgers-led climb of our own club would be made less arduous?

Here then, in a nutshell, is how the optimistic reactionary inside me (no relation to the child inside Van Persie) sees next season panning out:

Manchester United endure a spectacular fall from grace under Moyes and embrace mediocrity with gusto, styling themselves The People's Club of Manchester. New signing Marouane Fellaini's immense barnet buys its own mock-tudor home in the leafy suburbs of Mancunia. United finish just outside the Champions League places.

Everton employ Roberto Martinez, flatter to deceive with a pretty, three-at-the-back formation and flirt outrageously with relegation. Dave Whelan looks on bitterly from the Championship.

Tottenham Hotspur lose the celebrated simian-impersonator Gareth Bale to a career in shameless self-promotion and rely entirely on the raw passion of Emannuel Adebayor for the season. They finish 15th. Bale goes on to copyright his entire range of hand gestures.

Chelsea welcome back renowned eye-gouger Jose Mourinho, who crushes the beauty from the games of Juan Mata, Eden Hazard and Oscar, before dourly attaining second place. In EVERY competition. Always.

Arsenal announce that Arsene Wenger has been lost within the folds of his over-sized match-coat. In a vainglorious attempt to connect with recent successes, they appoint Ian Wright. They are relegated.

Manchester City's players become so rich and powerful that top earner, Yaya Toure, insists on playing most games alone. He/they finish third.

Liverpool Football Club blossom under Rodgers who pushes for the return of Rafa Benitez as Technical Director and Kenny Dalglish as Greatest Man Ever. They win the league by 17 points.

Lower those quizzical eyebrows. I've had an epiphanic moment of augury and nothing can convince me that this idyllic vision of the future is anything other than probable. I won't have it. This is how things will be.