Chuck is away and while this is not an official installment of Everything's the Worst, it's about as close as we'll ever get to my personal experience of Everything's the Worst. Because in spite of Sunday's heroics, everything is the worst. The transfer window is around the corner, which means transfer rumours and potential transfer offers are heating up. It's inescapable, and so is the volume of stupid that comes with it.
There are times when one must put aside any attempt to be even handed, rational, or otherwise unbiased in reporting of news. This is one of those times, because today we were brought the news that Napoli, current employers of one Rafa Benitez, have put in a loan request for Daniel Agger.
How far a sound wave can carry is affected by all sorts of environmental factors, but I feel confident in assuming you can hear my screaming no matter what your distance is from my little piece of Canada.
Napoli seem to have done the rudimentary connect-the-dots regarding Agger's current situation on the bench, without apparently having spent much time prodding their own theory for holes before offering it out for public consumption. A loan deal for Agger makes perfect sense from Napoli's end: for the rest of the season, they get a talented defender who isn't seeing minutes and they could get him for as little as £0! (Or even €0!) Rafa is surely doing us a favour!
The deal, of course, makes zero sense for both Liverpool in general and Agger specifically. With Sebastian Coates semi-permanently crocked, Andre Wisdom out on loan, Martin Kelly never having played in the centre for the senior team, and Tiago Ilori languishing with the reserves, losing a senior centre back as the club head into a busy January with the return of the FA Cup does not seem like the best way to set the team up for success. The club are one injury or Slovakian brain gaffe away from needing quality backup in the position.
Agger, for his part, wants to play. The most controversial thing he's said while benched is that he feels he's eligible to play, but otherwise he has stuck to the same story he's been saying since Brendan Rodgers was appointed manager: he will be here until the manager no longer sees him as part of his plans. He's happy at the club. He's enjoying the brand of football Rodgers wants to play. He's been pretty clear that only Barcelona could turn his head for a permanent move. With all due respect to Napoli, a loan spell in Italy can't be all that attractive a prospect for someone as dug into Merseyside as Agger is.
If it were any other player, I'd immediately chalk this up to last summer's "EVERYONE TO NAPOLI" meme, where nearly everyone and their pet fish Jordan were linked to Rafa's new club. But Agger rumours raise a particular bit of ire within me when they're this silly. I remain as confident today as I was this past summer that Agger isn't going anywhere any time soon.
Our very own Not Too Xabi perhaps put it most succinctly and most accurately:
Simply put, loaning Agger is the "Limp Bizkit Tattoo on Your Lower Back" of #LFC Transfer Ideas— Not Too Xabi (@NotTooXabi_) December 16, 2013
Don't do it, Liverpool. You will have all the regrets.