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Rafa's Return, Suarez' Injury, and Other Phallic Friday Notes

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Jonjo Shelvey Dick Joke
Because your HR department is watching you.

The work week's almost over, no matter where you're reading this, and despite what could have been a slow international break there's a lot of big Liverpool news out there today. Or I guess it might not be really big, you know. But probably adequate, anyhow. At least an adequate amount of Liverpool news. At least. I mean, I think there's enough news out there for a links and whatnot post that will leave you feeling satisfied.

But I mean, it's really just a matter of perspective anyhow, and how drunk you are, and whether you've just gone for a dip in the North Sea.

Right, even I don't know what the hell I'm talking about anymore...


* Those of you watching the Twitters yesterday may have noticed a brief brouhaha over a quickly deleted picture on Jonjo Shelvey's account (and no, that's not a link to the deleted picture), reportedly the work of a few of his friends:

The picture, which showed a man’s appendage being held over what looked like a urinal, soon saw the term ‘Jonjo’ become a trend. More disturbingly is the fact that the picture had an uncanny resemblance to the midfielder. Shelvey, undoubtedly embarressed by the prank, immediately apologised for the incident before deleting his account.

Why the best Romulan prospect of the last decade would be embarrassed by somebody posting a picture of an arm over an... Oh. Not an arm? So when you say "appendage" you really mean somebody posted some kind of voyeur hidden camera mens washroom with dicks picture on Jonjo Shelvey's Twitter account?1

Well then. Apparently it was something rather like that. But now that I'm done being a click whore2 the thing I really want to know is how on earth people are passing around that "the picture had an uncanny resemblance to the midfielder" as though it's a self-evident truth. The only explanation I can come up with is clean-shaven except for a little pair of eyebrows. You're welcome.

* Elsewhere, in the realm of players saying and doing not especially embarrassing things on social media, Luis Suarez' managed to use Facebook to give everybody an update on his tweaked groin without resorting to the use of photos:

In Liverpool working hard to be ready for next match! I've been lucky, the injury isn't that bad and it should be fine. I also want to tell you I'm a bit sad for not playing the match with Uruguay.

It had been a bit of an odd case, with nobody seeming quite sure what his status was post-Sunderland. The club didn't release a statement on the injury, and no really solid news trickled out as to whether he'd be playing for Uruguay or not over the break, but now that the man himself seems to have sorted everything out it's fairly good news, at least as far as those sorts of things go.

* Back with another brief brouhaha, Rafa Benitez recently sent a few heads a-popping when he said that he would love to manage Liverpool again at some point in the future while pointing out how well Dalglish is doing right now. Since this isn't the first time since returning to his old area home after leaving Inter that he's talked of how much he'd still love to manage the club again someday, it's hard to understand quite why this became a really big deal for a short time.

I suppose there are just some members of the media who like to stir up Liverpool fans by creating fake narratives of conflict where none need exist, and when you add Rafa Benitez to the mix it's like giving red meat to a bull. Who really likes to eat red meat. Or who hates it. Or something else that makes a bit of sense. Whatever the case, they're the sorts of people who deserve to have pictures of genitalia posted on their social media network account thingamajiggers.

Heck, if he'd said he didn't want to come back it probably could have just as easily have been twisted into a story about how he didn't care about Liverpool and its supporters any more and was turning his back on them. But back to some of the things Rafa actually said, like that he wouldn't go to Liverpool's rivals, and that he has had five offers in the new year--including one from an English club--but feels that now is his time to step back for a little while and reconsider things. Which sounds a lot less like conflict and a lot more like a sabatical.

In the meantime, while you try to figure out which friend's Twitter account you should hack so that you can Tweet embarrassing pictures to all their friends, relatives, and coworkers, before realising there's no embedded media down here3 because the only available globally playable copy of Christopher Walken pranking somebody to death with a tire iron is hard-coded to autoplay and only a complete ass would embed a clip that autoplays...

1 Your hits, Google, give them to me.

2 If you came here looking for Jonjo Shelvey voyeur hidden camera mens washroom dick pictures... um, sorry? Thanks for boosting our traffic stats, though.

3 This would be a good spot for an impotence joke. Or something about not being able to perform in the end and how it actually kind of works for this post.