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Things That Wind Joe Cole

Joe Cole Collage 1a
Joe Cole Collage 2a

. Jogging. Or walking quickly. That's almost as bad.

. Running, because running is definitely even worse than jogging or walking quickly.

. Doing tricks with a football that Lionel Messi could only dream of. Which is why he only does them in training when he doesn't have to worry about jogging afterwards.

. Arguing with Milan Jovanovic over who would make a better successor to Liverpool's last number ten, Andriy Veronin.

Joe Cole Collage 1b
Joe Cole Collage 2b

. Getting up on the trainer's table whenever he's injured. Because lifting yourself that high is difficult when you're always injured.

. Using his patented crab-walk defense. Though if he can get the trend to catch on it would totally be worth it.

. Thinking about syncing his iPod. Because syncing something sounds like it would be hard, which is what assistants are for anyway.

. Standing up.

. Getting the plastic wrap off his new pack of Benson & Hedges.

. Sitting down again.

. Realizing the lighter is in his pocket after sitting down and struggling to get it out of that upper pocket that's a real pain in the ass to get stuff out of when you're sitting down.

. Pretending he's a robot. Though it does distract him from how thoroughly exhausted everything, including doing the robot, makes him, so sometimes he wonders if he should do it more often. At least until thinking about it tires him out.

. Getting out of his tracksuit when he'd rather just stay on the bench and drink Lucozade.

. Calling for the trainer to open his Lucozade. Though at least that doesn't tire him as much as opening it himself, and life is all about making tough choices, after all.

. Jogging and running again. Because is he some kind of indentured servant? And there must be some kind of employment law to stop that sort of abuse.

. Cashing the £90k cheque he gets from LFC every week.

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