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Breaking Transfer News: Chelsea Offside to Write Another Story About Fernando Torres

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The Liverpool Offside has it on good authority that The Chelsea Offside will soon release another story concerning the possibility that the club they follow might make a serious effort to capture Torres with all of three days left in the transfer window. Meanwhile, Twitter's going insane over a new Times article that's behind a paywall so that almost nobody has seen it. In this supposedly new and breaking article, the bit that's got everybody upset is the suggestion that Torres has requested a move to Chelsea.

Of course, this isn't actually a new rumour. It was rumoured last night that Torres had asked the club to work on the deal, and all the Times article does is complie every scrap that's been batted around the echo chamber that is the internet ever since.

So now an article most haven't read that rehashes old rumours and speculations largely rumoured and speculated about on Twitter and Liverpool forums, and without a single quote, has lead to an explosion on Twitter and in various Liverpool forums speculating about this latest round of rumours. Even though there's nothing new in the article. Even though the club just got a deal for Suarez accepted while nobody supposedly in the know actually had a clue quite what was going on until the club's official website broke the story, which must be a first in the history of the internet.

Maybe Torres will wind up at Chelsea tomorrow. I could also win the lotto tonight and then get fried in a freak winter lightning storm. Anything's possible. Still, I don't buy that after the shit he's put up with over the past few years at the club, Torres is going to request a transfer with three days left in the window on the exact same day the club's new owners signal that they'll actually try to deliver on the promises he's been waiting around for by breaking the club transfer record he set and bringing it the biggest name of the window to support him. Could it end up being true? I suppose so, yes. Does it seem at all reasonable or rational or likely? No.

Anything's possible, but this smells like a rehashing of day-old rumours that knock Liverpool down a notch just when everybody was celebrating the arrival of Luis Suarez. This was a cycle of rumours that seemed to have been put to bed, and unless I hear otherwise from club sources or Torres himself, I'm going to assume this is the silly season bullshit it appears to be, especially seeing as it "broke" after eight PM in England on a bloody Friday night. Though by the look of the way Twatters are gnashing their teeth, with people I had previously considered sane acting like a bunch of five year olds on crystal meth (or, you know, cocaine), while the denizens of Liverpool forums are preparing a pitchfork wielding mob and have already disavowed Fernando Torres as a fellow member of the human race...

Well, my main reaction is that I just want to tell the whole lot of you--no, not you, the other you; that's right, the one who's being a fucking moron--to just fuck right off. Chances are nothing's going to happen, and if it somehow does turn out to be more than last minute January transfer bullshit, well, alternately giving yourself a heart attack and cursing that Fernando Torres was ever born isn't going to do anybody a bit of good. And it'll mostly make you look like a reactionary jackass when, as is most likely, he's still playing for Liverpool this time next month and this turns out to have indeed been nothing but bullshit.