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Liverpool 0, Utrecht 0: A Recap in Four Short Parts

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Assuming you think that a match actually took place tonight.

Part I: This is the void where your excitement for Liverpool used to live.

Part II: Already qualified and playing a side that were already eliminated, Liverpool were atrocious.

Part III: It was hoofball, sinking deep, lacking pulse, one of the more boring matches in memory.

Part IV: Already qualified, on the strength of two wins and four draws. It's a celebration, bitches!