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A Roy Hodgson Caption Contest: The Winners


"Bastards think you're clever, do you? Wait until you see my midfield Saturday."

This essentially started as an opportunity for me to take drunken potshots at Roy Hodgson, and I solicited your involvement because I still want to pretend that I care what you think. Also I wanted to bask in how much more clever I am than the rest of you.

So of course people take to it and outdo me, and now I have to follow through with judging and typing and drinking. Again. You're all far too clever to continue coming back.

But really well done to all involved---kept it fairly clean, lighthearted, and not too offensive. Some might object and say that this is directing too much vitriol at Roy Hodgson, that this is just silly, that it's one big cheap shot at a well-intentioned man. To that I say, "I don't care." We've done the analysis to dust, and will continue to do so, and I think there's plenty of room for having a bit of fun, even in the midst of some troubles. Also, your fly's down. Maybe not, but I'd guess a good percentage of you looked.

Enough chatter---the esteemed victors, and because I can't commit to snubbing anyone, I've given three to each. Tried to include all, so think of this post as your post-match juice box. But not Capri Sun, because who the fuck knows how to get that straw in there?

Number One:


Nic: "Hey Tony over here any chance of a chat about your tactics today?"

Rosco: "Hey Roy! How many teams of this calibre have you actually managed?" "JUST ONE! OKAY!!"

Joejag: Roy reassure Stoke fans about which direction in the league their team will be heading.

Number Two:


Redtrev73: "'This wind bweaker will insulate you against the dwaught woy,' that little chap said. 'I've filled your pockets with toffees,' he said. Bollox to that...i'm fweezing here...and who are all this lot?....I'm fwightened....."

Red Down Unda: "My God, if I had a dog that looked like that Tony, I'd shave it's arse and make it walk backwards."

Grubb: "That Comolli fella is wwiting in his notepad again. Awwogant Fwench pwick. What have the Fwench won anyway?"

Number Three:


Yaniv: "I know what we need... a little speed."(then proceeds to snort the drug-speed)**This is particularly fantastic if you give it the CSI: Miami David Caruso treatment.**

Noel: "My nose! That imp Pulis just stole my nose! Somebody, help... oh thank fuck, it's still there."

Joel: "Tee hee hee, Sammy fawted! *I'm so clever with my awmpit fawt sounds*"

Number Four:


steven: "Your chants for Dalgish are *sniff* unproductive *sniff*"

Jordan: "And into this tissue goes all the hopes and dreams of Liverpool fans worldwide..."

Rosco: "Okay go ahead sir Alex they can't lip read now, what's that? Poulsen? Yep he's on, I keep telling them to play it back, yep okay, love you too."

Number Five:


Counsellor: "Thanks for the dance, but you really should keep your hands out of your pockets when you're jiving." "Are you sure, I have been jiving this way quite successfully for 35 years."

Redporridge: "Just a lost, I won't get sack. Congrats Stoke! Well done!"

JohnSpies: "Now, who are you again? A manager of a football club? Whooo-wee, that is a big job! Takes a big man to do that job! Me? No, for heaven sakes man, don't be silly. I haven't got the balls to do what you do!"

Special mention also goes to Big Red Mike for pinpointing our hopes with, "This man will be sacked tomorrow."

Also to Charlie, who took it upon himself to Futurama-ize the current happenings. In his words:

I've made a caption of my own - behind the scenes after the Stoke game - starring:
*John W Henry as Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth
*Slightly aged Ryan Babel as Hermes Conrad
*And Roy Hodgson as Dr. Zoidberg

Ryan Babel is the first to question mr. Henry of their future as a club with Roy in charge:

Good work, all.

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