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News and Updates: Sunday Morning Coming Down

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Liverpool still drew yesterday. Sadly, the answer is no.

Glen Johnson confirms what the women at Kickette probably already knew. Oh, he meant playing style. Still, I'm inclined to say that between Benni McCarthy and Sam Allardyce, Rovers are objectively not handsome. They never should have let go of Roque Santa Cruz.

This news is a bit of a surprise considering the rampant rumors about him being the missing link at (not in the evolutionary sense, but perhaps), and his desire to move to, Barcelona during the summer, during the fall, and during the winter.

Other contract news, this about Pepe Reina, that is sure to please fans considering he's absolutely in the running for Liverpool's Player of the Year. Of course, the actual source is the News of the World, and the previous page confirms that he's Tiger Woods' fifth mistress. Which, sadly, is not far from the realm of possibility right now. I can never watch Bones again.

Alberto Aquilani is set to start against Fiorentina midweek. But if you actually read past the headline, the bulletproof evidence of this is Rafa stating that, "..maybe Aquilani will start." Man, Martin had no idea what he was talking about.

Stan Collymore also has no clue. I mean, come on, how could Steven Gerrard win the Premier League title in Madrid? And no pressure on the aforementioned Alberto Aquilani, who Collymore thinks should carry the load now. After twenty minutes of (semi-) competitive play for Liverpool, he's clearly the best candidate to shoulder the burden of the man who just made his 500th appearance for the club.

Piers Morgan was kind enough to grace us with his Arsenal/Manchester United/Chelsea "Team of the Decade." He gains points for insulting Gary Neville, but then throws it away by calling Jesper Parnevik
"pious." Clearly Piers hasn't seen his own banner picture, in which he reimagines the "Thinking Man" without actually having thoughts.

Finally in more random news, it looks like WAG wannabees will be severely disappointed at the World Cup, as the English FA shot down any chance that the England squad will take Viagra to counteract any effects of the altitude in South Africa. The puns pretty much write themselves (including the Guardian headline)...but come on, football shorts + Viagra = ______________

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