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No, Seriously, Leave My Giant the F Alone

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The latest disturbing news coming from Anfield is that Rafa Benitez is looking to complete a trade this summer with Manchester City that would send Peter Crouch and bring in Michael Johnson. I would name a source, but I lost the link (worst journalist ever) so we'll attribute it to the voices in my head.

I'm really hoping that this is just tabloid speculation because it does not make much sense to me. We could definitely use another striker, but not a midfielder. As it is, we have too many. The Sunderland match proved that we could leave someone like Xabi Alonso completely off the roster and be just fine.

Here's photographic proof of why Crouch is better to have than Johnson:
Crouch and Johnson

It can also be proven with math: p^2>.5m where a really tall Peter Crouch would obviously be better than an injured Michael Johnson.

So hang on to your four legged midfielder, City, you're going to need him when his abs get better. You know, he really does have four legs--seriously. Okay, I might have made that last part up--but if I didn't, you heard it here first.