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Coming to you live from table 24 of my restaurant, here are a few miscellaneous news and rumor items regarding the club.

It's possible that we'll be losing Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher for the second leg of the Inter Champions League clash. They are being called to testify in a case involving forged sports memorabilia. Apparently, the courts aren't part of the Kop.

O, Captain! MY Captain? The rumor mill says that Fabio Capello will be tapping Stevie G to captain the team in England's first match. Obviously, I agree with that 100%. Who else would they pick? Terry? *snicker*

The story that just won't die. The English press continues to throw doubt about the future of Tom Hicks at Liverpool. This time, they believe that DIC will partner with George Gillett to buy out Hicks' share of the club. I think this is becoming more wishful thinking than anything. The words from the horse's mouth says that he isn't going anywhere. The words from the horse's ass is that he'll stay just to piss everyone off.

Apparently, every time Torres scores 15 goals, we have to pay Atletico Madrid £150,000. So if you ever see Torres on a hot streak and suddenly pulled from the game, this is probably why, but judging by his form lately, we may be saving all kinds of money.

Fan's say Stevie G is #1 in England squad. In related news, English fans voted smartest in the world.

The clean sheet from Sunderland saw Pepe Reina become the quickest goal keeper in Club history to reach 50 shutouts. Good job, Pepe!

Finally, sad news from here in Texas. Our mascot chihuahua vanished early this morning. Little Pepe will be missed. In related news, the chili tastes peculiar today.

I might have made that last part up--but if I didn't, you heard it here first.

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