I know this because a fucking cartoon rabbit pushing a powder that makes milk taste chocolaty and fat kids fatter told me about a zillion times when I was a kid waiting to see what the fuck was going to happen to Optimus Prime and the Autobots or if those damn kids would ever escape the "Realm of Dungeons & Dragons". The latter cartoon used to give me 'anxiety' dreams, but that's a whole other blog.
By the way, have you ever been to the NesQuik website? Those fuckers certainly know how to market their shit. Not only to kids either, they have a special parents section where they weigh in on the ancient debate of Quik vs juice drinks. It's pretty fucking ridiculous, but if you want to feel better about letting your children destroy their bodies, it's a must read. Wait, what is this blog about? Oh yeah...
Recently, I've noticed my blogs have been drenched in negative gunk, dominated by a pessimistic aura that would only make Beelzebub proud, so I've decided to let a little sunshine into my land of gloom and doom. Last season is done, there's no point in dwelling over it. Sure, it was dominated by lack of luck, questionable refereeing, and cheating opponents, but that's life. I'm cleansing my hands of it, but I still reserve the right to cackle at the pathetic establishment that is Italian football. I mean, if you want to take pride in cheating, fixing matches, killing police officers, or whatever, at least have the dignity to keep it in your own country. Ah ha ha ha ha! Oh, God, it never gets old.
So since it looks as if we won't be adding or extracting anyone for at least a couple of weeks, let's take a look at who we have acquired. First off, there's Ukrainian International striker Andriy Voronin. He agreed to terms in February to join us on a free transfer. The soon-to-be 28-year-old has spent the last three seasons at Bayer Leverkusen where he's scored 36 goals in 109 games (86 starts). From the looks of this video, he might be sort of poacher we desperately need. (Then again, Kuyt looked the better finisher in Eredivisie, though I think Dirk will be better adjusted to the Premiership next season.)
Next we have Brazilian sensation Lucas, whose accolades and accomplishments speak for themselves. He is the reigning holder of the Bola de Ouro, or Brazilian Player of the Year, won in past years by nobodies like Carlos Tevez, Romario, and Kaka (it was probably fixed). He captained the Brazilian Under-20 team to the 2007 South American U-20 Championship, scoring 4 goals in that tournament including the winning goal in the finals. He has helped his club, Gremio, go from the Campeonato Brasileiro Série B in 2005, to third place in the Campeonato Brasileiro Série A last season, win the Campeonato Gaúcho, or the state championship of Rio Grande do Sul (which includes Internacional, I might add), the last two years, and advance all the way to the finals of the current Copa Libertadores. In other words, he's a winner. The music in this video sounds like an eighties made for TV movie about a family moving to a new neighborhood.
Sebastián Leto looks to the newest experiment on the left wing. Let's just hope he does better than Mark Gonzales did. He's described as a bigger, stronger version of Gonzo with similar pace. Here's a video of him against Boca Juniors, he wears number 33.