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Harry (not so) Kewell

Take a wild guess how many games King Harry has played for Liverpool in the last calendar year? You can count them on your hand. Hell, a chicken can count it on it's foot. It's three. And not a single one of those matches was he on the pitch for even half the match. In fact, if you add up all the total minutes he's played, give or take about six minutes for injury time, he's played about 77 minutes. 77 f'n minutes! Here is a guy who gets paid a base salary of £40,000 a week plus image fees. You read that right by the way, image fees. His agent pulled a rabbit out of his ass on that one because instead of getting the normal performance bonuses, he gets a little extra every time the club uses his likeness. Well, actually, he probably shot himself on the foot on that one since most people forgot what he looks like this past season.

You might be wondering why I'm getting so worked up about this, so let's take a trip back in time to May 13 of last year. It's the FA Cup Final and Kewell is in the starting line-up, but gets injured shortly after the half and has to be taken out. It turns out he had a torn groin muscle. No problem, he has the summer off to heal, he'll be back, fit and ready for the start of the EPL season, right? No. What does he do? He decides that he wants to play for Australia in the World Cup.

Representing your country on the world's biggest stage is admirable, but doing so at risk of re-aggravating an injury and chancing that you won't be able to return to your team that pays your salary, puts food on your table, and assures your children a bright future is just selfish. So what do you think the 77 minute man decides to do for this summer's upcoming Asian Cup? You got it, he's going to play for Australia, his country. Ugh.

This is ridiculous. If he gets hurt again, there's no way we'll be able to transfer him, if that's the plan. Of course, if he stays healthy and plays great, it could pay off, not that I want him gone. I hope they made him sign a contract that said if he gets injured and is unable to play at least 50% of our games next season, he not only loses his contract, but he also has to pay us back a prorated sum for the amount of time he missed last season, all but those 77 unforgettable minutes. I love Harry Kewell and was glad to have him back late in the season last year, but come on, at some point he's got to say to himself, 'Hey, self, club football pays the bills and I'm not going to be able to play forever.' I guess he could come to the MLS in a couple of years and make a fast buck, that's if he'll still be able to walk. Not to mention his wife can further her 'acting' career here.

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