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The Daily Diatribe: Oh Aurelio, Kromkamp & Koeman quit, Darren Bent joins our wish list, & I quote: "She just could not compete with my love for Liverpool"

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* Just as he was coming into his own with two solid performances against Arsenal and PSV Eindhoven, Fabio Aurelio may be out for the rest of the season. This really sucks. It depletes our left side a little bit more and leaves us to rely on Gonzo until Harry Kewell gets back. Wait, am I counting on Harry Kewell to come back? We're f*cked. Gonzo, please, stop shooting 30 yards out from awkward, impossible angles. I'm just scared he's going to make one and then waste twice as many opportunities.

* Kromkamp and Koeman have decided to throw in the towel. Kromkamp thinks they should turn their attention to the Eredivisie, while Koeman thinks it's 'impossible' for his squad to advance now. Benitez should call him and make a deal, if they play their reserves, we'll play ours. Of course, our 'reserves' will probably include Jermaine Pennant, Robbie Fowler, Momo Sissoko, and Bolo Zenden, but we can't help that.

* Darren Bent is our backup plan if we don't get Eto'o or Villa. What about Tevez? Sure he's a very similar player to Bellamy, but younger and he'd probably be happier playing with his buddy Mascherano.

* Finally we have a Liverpool fan who's got his priorities right. Well, okay, this actually might be considered a problem: "Paul has even commissioned a trophy-maker in Chester to make full-scale replicas of the FA Cup and the prize known to all Liverpool fans as the trophy with the big ears', the European Cup." I guess as long as he isn't stalking anyone, it's okay.