Rumor Mongering: Time to Call Someone an Idiot

fistfightPlease don't let us get in your way though---feel free to call them something much worse if you happen to find out that they have an opinion different than yours, because your opinion is the only one that matters. People with different opinions are the enemy and must be convinced of their wrongness, and the best way to do that is to USE CAPS WITH RECKLESS ABANDON. Odds are that if you haven't had any violent disagreements with anyone online, you're not doing it correctly.

You like Charlie Adam? Good, anyone who doesn't is a mouth-breathing Nazi who doesn't know a quality pie-destroying left-footed ball vaporizer when they see one. Want to hold onto Raul Meireles? Ha! He only scored five goals and is too old and doesn't sprint for a full ninety and couldn't fit into central midfield over Lucas or Jay Spearing even though there were only three central midfielders fit at one point in the season and two can't play outside of central midfield and one could so that's what ended up happening.

So hey, strap on your helmets and get ready for some arguin':


Charlie Adam

He's already signed, or he's going to today or tomorrow, or Karl Oyston isn't answering his phone or now Spurs have had a bid accepted or something. We've heard more than enough about him, even though he's more interested in surfing the web for a cut-rate set of golf clubs. He's likely phenomenal with his driver and fairway woods, but I'd guess he's shit from 175 and in, and probably only has a greens-in-regulation rate of around 40%.

Anyway, nobody knows except the in-the-know's who know what we don't know which is that they know that those involved don't quite know. Watch this space.

Raul Meireles

This goes back to the tweet from Richard Buxton about who would leave if Adam arrived, but it's unfortunately gained some traction among those who are fans of revisionist history. Two of my favorite new narratives are that his positive impact during the season was completely overblown and, in a comparison that not too many people before this week were making, there's no way he'd ever be fit to carry Steven Gerrard's jock strap. Sprinkle in the existing talking points about substitutions and fitness and you'd think we're talking about Joe Cole.

But make sure that you ignore the fact that he was still turning in the minutes and covering all sorts of ground while Gerrard was sidelined yet again, and was joint second on the squad in appearances (with the indestructible Dirk Kuyt and player of the season Lucas). I'm not saying that Meireles is more important to Liverpool or better in some way, but I am saying that if you're going to use fitness and age as major variables in why Meireles should hit the bricks, and then in the next breath talk about Steven Gerrard as another variable, I suggest you revisit things.

So no actual news, but by all means, let's keep arguing about it.

Maxi Rodriguez

Out of way left field, as in Argentina jardín izquierdo, there's suddenly talk about Maxi leaving Liverpool to join his childhood club, Newell's Old Boys. The source is an Argentinean newspaper with whom the goalscoring hechicero apparently gave an interview, but we're left to wonder about the context of the chat along with whether or not it actually happened. We obviously saw a handful of high-level performances from Maxi towards season's end, and those paying attention earlier in the year also saw his influence even when he wasn't getting on the scoresheet with astounding regularity.

He does, however, fit the bill of players that need to leave the club immediately---he's in the midfield, is old, foreign, not Charlie Adam, and his family is probably unsettled or something. So forget those goals, his selfless style of play, and generally positive impact, he wasn't that good anyway.

Juan Mata

Of the players rumored to be on the way in, Mata's the most coveted. He's not hurting his stock at the U21s, as last night he set up both Spain goals in a 2-0 breeze past the Czech Republic. There's vastly differing accounts of what's going on right now---Rory Smith has the activity at a standstill, but Paul Thompson, who's apparently been one of the more reliable whatevers when it comes to transfers, has Liverpool with a bid in. Add to that the rumors that Damien Comolli flew to Valencia earlier in the week to sleep on the top bunk in Mata's boyhood room, and we might have a constellation of somethings that adds up to nothing.

This one's ending in heartbreak.

Marko Marin

There had been a few mentions of Marin's name prior to season's end, and yesterday we got reports that Liverpool and Tottenham had bid on the midfielder. Both bids were turned away, as the German international prefers a stay with Werder Bremen in the Bundesliga. Marin's 22 and has been one of the up and comers in the German national setup, and while his appearances in South Africa were disappointing, he's apparently still promising enough to garner serious attention.

Other People We May or May Not See

Stewart Downing is still "definitely on his way," Gervinho and his diabolically deep hairline are now leaning towards Arsenal, South Korean captain Park Chu-Young popped up as another potential target, and Doni is back out of the picture after going to Bolton, Galatasaray, and staying at Roma.

There, now everything's better, right? Oh, it's not? There's still no real transfer news AND Liverpool just released a poorly-colored third kit that's supposed to be historic but mostly looks like they just blue themselves? Here, watch mouth-breathing Nazis get their faces melted as you conjure up a way to insult the guy who just said that he thinks Maxi would be missed:

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